


Secrets

by rorz94



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Artist Zayn, Breathplay, Denial, Emotional Hurt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Famous Liam, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Heart Break, M/M, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Rough Sex, Smut, courting, mentions of cheating, potential narry, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:36:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2395340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorz94/pseuds/rorz94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has got everything he's ever dreamed of since he was a kid but in the process he lost the only thing he needed the most to be happy and he won't rest until he got him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I must be crazy... but this idea has been nagging on my mind for a long time now... It always came when I listened to One Republic song Secrets written by the amazing Ryan Tedder...so that's where the title is from....  
> I do not know or own one direction....this is purely fictional...  
> English is not my first language and I don't read proof my writing...so sorry for any annoying mistakes :S  
> you correct me wherever you want :)  
> I hope you like the introduction...

_'I need another story_

_Something to get off my chest_

_My life gets kinda boring_

_Need something that I can confess'_

 

Flashlights…blinding flashlights blurred his vision, deafening noises of hundreds of clicking cameras and the annoying voices of faceless reporters and paparazzi made him enter a world of surreal, where the sound was mute and every movement was in slow motion. It felt like an eternity, the distance he had to walk from the hotel entrance to his awaiting car… an eternity of questions and inquiries following him everywhere; from his cheating girlfriend to an imaginary secret boyfriend.

This was the life of Liam Payne, International pop star/songwriter. This was his life… he got used to it. However something was itching under his skin. The cheating girlfriend story was not a rumor, it was true. He trusted someone, he could not say it was love but it was so close to it, and it was a big mistake. He should have known. He should have seen the signs.

Once in the car he ran his hand on his face, and sighed deeply…trying to remain calm. He knew he looked like a total fool right now in the media’s eye. His girlfriend's affair with what he considered a best friend was going on for months now. Some pitied his blind love. His hands clinched into fists. After all this years, his life taught him to never trust a person…with his kind of fame and money…everyone wanted to be his friend, his lover his fuck body… they didn’t care as long as they got a piece of him… anything. It made him sick.

All the people he’s been with…they’re all faceless to him, even the woman he was so close to pop the question to, he snorted at that… he thanked God for revealing what was hidden before he made the biggest mistake of his life…or maybe the second biggest mistake.

He remembered a time when he was still young, half innocent with big dreams and great ambition. When he had real friends that cared about his well being that did not give a shit about money…

He remembered a beautiful boy with big hazel eyes and comforting smile… he remembered his whispered promises that he told and never completed…

Two teenage boys having a sleepover, sharing dreams and hoping for a bright future…

_“I promise Zee when I’m famous I’ll buy you all the art stuff your parents couldn’t afford… “_

_A set of almond shaped eyes framed with black curl of lashes looked at him in surprise…_

_“Really… you’d do that for me?”_

_“’course I would…anything you want Zee you're my best mate!”_

_“Oh...I forgot to give you something!” the boy, Zayn said earnestly…searching in his backpack for something. He opened an A3 sketch book that must has seen better days, then tore carefully one of the sheets and handed it over to Liam. “That’s for you!” he announced proudly, his cheeks tinted of light sweet pink._

_It was a portrait of Liam…so perfectly done it was hard to believe that only a thirteen year old had drawn it. “Wow!” that was all what Liam could express with words… “Zee that’s amazing!”_

_He did not know at the time what made him do it, but he knew he wanted to do this for a long time now, he leaned in and kissed Zayn on the lips. Zayn was rigid, but he didn’t move away. When Liam moved back he was afraid of what reaction he would get from his slightly younger neighbor. The only thing he saw was a dazed looking Zayn touching where Liam’s lips had been._

_“I…why did you do that?” Zayn had asked confused. “Isn’t  it wrong for a boy to kiss a boy?”_

_Liam shrugged indifferently…_

_“It’s only wrong if it felt wrong…did you feel it was wrong?”_

_Zayn shook his head negatively._

_“I really like you Zee… and I wanna kiss you more! Can I.”_

_Zayn only nodded, catching his lower lip between his teeth, and Liam took his chance, he cupped Zayn’s face softly between his hands, caressing his cheeks and put his red lips on Zayn’s soft ones. This time Zayn went with it…he softened putting his arms around Liam’s neck… opening his mouth slightly when he felt Liam’s tongue moistening his lips. Liam guessed it was the surprise more than anything. He knew he was Zayn’s first kiss, and he felt proud of that…he wanted to be Zayn’s first everything._

He remembered at Zayn’s fourteenth birthday, when he gave him a present nobody could… only him could make Zayn moan so sweetly in his ear… only him could teach him how to make love… only him could make him reach a peak of pleasure so powerful that would make him drowsy in the aftermath.

Zayn was the only thing so pure that happened in his life. He was the only truth. After him, everything was a big fat lie.

He regretted it…wishing to be Zayn’s first everything, because he was also the cause of Zayn’s first broken heart.

This life he’s been leading for five years now…it broke them apart…it destroyed every chance Liam had with happiness… with Zayn. The fame, the cunning people of the show bizz, the media, the crazy fans, and the constant distance…made it all nearly impossible.

Before he had entered this life, before making the big decision, he convinced himself that if he didn’t do it now he will wonder for the rest of his life what it would be like; to be on top of the world. Ironically, at the moment he is asking himself what it would be like if he stayed…if he just was there with Zayn. Would he be happier? Or would it always end up with the two of them going their separate ways?

 

He went back to the present when he heard his driver asking him for the third time where to go? His only reply was Home.

 ***

 

He woke up to an incessant and persistent knocking on his door; he heard his front door opening! What the hell!

He didn’t have a personal maid… he preferred running his own life when he was home…so who in ….

“Liam I swear if you don’t open your bedroom door I’ll break it down you tosser!”

Of course…Louis fucking Tomlinson. The man was a menace. Liam shook his head fondly and opened the door to receive a quick kick to the shin and a bone crushing hug.

“I haven’t seen you in months Li… months and then you come home to disappear in this freakish mansion of yours… that is absolutely unacceptable do you hear me young man.”

“Yeah Lou, now can you please let go…I want to breathe…if you don’t mind.”

Louis Tomlinson was one of his real best friends, he met him shortly after getting in the music world, and he was not really famous yet…so he knew his friendship with Louis was genuine. The guy is a football player… still is… but now he’s a football star.

He made his way to the kitchen ignoring Louis’s pestering about the rumors and the “fucking bitch of a girlfriend” he had because… “I knew she was a slut from the moment I met her Li… she was bad news but I didn’t want to antagonize you… I know you don’t like anyone telling you what to do in your personal life.”

He made them tea, and then joined Louis on the kitchen island.

“So what’s wrong… are you really sulking because of that bitch? Forget about her I can hook you up with hundreds of girls that look much better and would be at least loyal… don’t worry.”

“It’s not that Lou.” He said pinching the bridge of his nose. He wanted one thing now… he can see it so clearly…

After achieving every goal he set for his career until now, he felt empty. His life it was all an image…a two dimensional image, there was no depth to it. His personal life was all a lie. Now he knows what to do, he set his goal and he will keep on trying until he gets what he wants. The image he set in his mind was crystal clear…it was  of a boy with jet black hair and hazel eyes and he will not rest until he wins his heart back.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's POV...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...I dunno where did this come from I swear it just happened... don't kill me!

Zayn was panting from the effort of keeping his pace regular… every bounce taking his breath away for a second. His eyes were closed but he could feel his lover’s hands grab his ass tightly making him stop.

“Get off babe…need to fuck you from the back…hands and knees!” Mathieu growled in his ear.

Zayn sighed and did as he was told… his arms shook from the effort, he felt drained already.

“You feel so good…so good.” Zayn heard Mathieu whisper as he took him from the back. The angle was better that way; he rested his head on his forearms and clutched the bed sheets as Mathieu’s thrusts increased in force. All he could do was grunt at the feeling. The punches of pain and pleasure mixed together were euphoric.

After a while Mathieu stopped his thrusts and ordered him on his knees, he helped him up with an arm surrounding his torso, and the pace took full force again. He was certainly going to come very soon. He felt the blond man hand creep to grab his neck…squeezing lightly.

“Fucking bastard…you said you won’t do it again!” Zayn panted…his breathing becoming shallow by the second.

“Come on…bitch you love it stop denying…last time you came like a fucking tsunami! You like my kink babe just shut up and feel it!” Mathieu barked, increasing his tempo and tightening his grip on Zayn’s throat.

Fuck it… he is definitely going to have bruises around his neck later. He felt like he couldn’t breathe… his vision blurred a little but then the hand that was obstructing his oxygen intake moved away.

“I need ya on your back babe…wanna see your face when I get my hand around ya… you look beautiful like that…”

Zayn flipped on his back immediately muttering “Sick bastard” a little too loud…

Mathieu only smirked. He took Zayn’s legs and pushed them high while spreading them; looking at Zayn’s abused ass… he spit on it just to make it wet and penetrated him again. Zayn could only take it. He can’t say that he hated this…yet he can’t say he loved it. He just knew that it worked for him…for the moment.

Mathieu nearly bent him in half as got closer to kiss his lips… before his hand gripped his throat again and this time it was really tight.

“Look at me babe…yeah that’s it…”

He looked at Mathieu’s cold steely eyes, he tried to remove his hand in an attempt to breathe again, but he was wasting his effort… his eyes watered and he just let go…he only focused on the assault on his prostate… with every single thrust. His vision blurred as he felt it…the coiling in the pit of his stomach…he tried to shout as it burned him to ash…rushing through his veins... his body seized and he felt the wetness of Mathieu’s release in him as his body spasmed with the aftershocks.

Mathieu’s grip released; he took a deep inhale nearly choking from the amount of air he let in. He tried to see what Mathieu was doing but he guessed when he manhandled him on his stomach. He felt his hands spreading his ass cheeks, playing with the come already seeping from his whole.

“Fucking shit Mat just leave it alone I’m too sensitive now!” he shouted…it was not the first time; Mathieu was obsessed with it, the way he looked “so filthy”, his own words.

From all the people on this planet he had to end up with a monster in bed…and he forgot to add…a freak monster in bed with weird kinks that are going to be the death of him some day.

 

“Alright…alright princess!” Mathieu said.

 

Zayn really did not know what was about Mathieu that kept him in this thing they have…whatever that is… Mathieu was an executive in a big advertisement company that hired Zayn every once and a while when they needed creative ideas. That was where he met Mathieu. Who said work and pleasure cannot be mixed anyway. Zayn figured that maybe he stuck with him because he took his mind of someone…someone he needed to forget at the time, still need to forget even at this very second. Even after everything that happened, he was still haunting Zayn’s mind… and Mathieu was the perfect distraction because he was everything Liam was not, he was the complete opposite and in his book that was a good thing.

 

Zayn stayed in bed unmoving as he felt Mathieu get up and go to the bathroom. Zayn knew his routine…he’s going to take a shower get dressed and leave as soon as possible. So Zayn figured he should get on about and finish his last painting for his art collection. His open gallery event is in two days and he had to finish this today…well tonight/today it didn’t matter as long as the result was at the level of his expectations. He searched for his boxers put it on and then for a cigarette… he lit it, sat on the stool in front of his easel and started on mixing his colors with a thick brush.

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Zayn… are you in there…are you two having sex while you’re painting again?”

“No Harry what d’ya want?”

“Are you at least decent…I need to talk to you?”

“yeah …don’t worry…Mat ‘s in the shower…come in!”

Harry stepped into the room awkwardly, smiling when he saw no danger of witnessing very disturbing parts of his best friend’s body…like that last time…he thought he needed therapy after that incident.

Harry Styles was Zayn’s art gallery manager and a great art advisor. He was also Zayn’s best friend and his rock, through thick and thin.

Harry frowned when he saw Zayn’s canvas still blank…

“What the hell Zayn, I was supposed to take the last one now! I swear I’m gonna kill Mat when he comes out… all he cares about is fucking you… no consideration of your career and you let him!”

“Dude…chill it’s no biggy…I’m gonna finish it tonight and take to the gallery first thing in the morning tomorrow…I promise.” He crossed his heart to show that he was serious.

Harry ran his hand through his messy curls and nodded curtly, he always worried before an exhibition.

“Well I only came to take the last painting and to tell you to pass by in order to distribute the paintings around the exhibition hall but that’s of no use right now!” he said and Zayn heard the annoyed vibe in his voice. He bit on his lower lip nervously…he hated to mess with Harry’s schedule but he always did it anyway, and somehow it was always because he had to be with Mat. Now Zayn knows why Harry despises the guy so much…he is behind Zayn’s tardiness. However it was not only Mat’s fault…it was Zayn’s as well because he always let him.

“I’m sorry Haz…just take deep breath and go out with a friend have a beer or something okay…tomorrow everything’s is gonna go according to schedule.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed suspicious for a moment but he sighed and accepted the situation. He gave him a smile, said his goodbye after he threatened Zayn in his sweet creepy way…that if he’s late tomorrow he was going to kill him slowly…whatever that means!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you think?... wanna hear you ....I'm nervous be nice :l


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chasing after Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes

_‘My God_

_Amazing how we got this far_

_It's like we're chasing all those stars_

_Who's driving shiny big black cars’_

 

 

After Liam confessed what was really on his mind to Louis, the latter never shut his mouth. Liam told him about Zayn…but he had not told him everything, some details are better off untold. The pop star had to be honest with himself; it’s true he knew Zayn…but that was in the far past. He knew nothing now of Zayn’s whereabouts…of his job…his friends…his hobbies! And this was killing him.

So Louis had the bright idea of hiring a private investigator. Two days later they had a meeting with the guy in his own home office; it was interesting how this investigator person found everything about him in two days only. He felt like a psycho stalker as he was listening to the investigator’s findings.

Zayn lived in the city…in a nice place which means he is doing well. It was not surprising to Liam at all that he was an artist now…quiet famous in the art world and between the collectors of art works. In fact he had an art gallery event tomorrow.

The guy even told them how they could get invitation cards if they were interested. They had to contact a Harry Styles, who is apparently Zayn’s manager. Liam felt worried at that, he saw pictures of Styles and he felt his heart drop between his feet. The guy was gorgeous…it was really unlikely that nothing was going on between the curly haired man and Zayn in case the man was gay or bi. Liam was so screwed if this was the case. However he had to believe that Zayn, after all that happened between them, must still have some feelings for him…however small these feelings were. He’s going to make things right by nurturing these feelings again…until they’re strong enough! He hoped there weren’t buried six feet underground already…he prayed for an undying spark.

“Do you happen to know if Zayn has any relationship with this Harry Styles?” Liam asked trying to sound casual. “I mean other than the professional one.”

Louis smirked and the detective scratched his nearly bald head.

“Nope, that was not what I was looking for… you gave me two days…that’s the kind of information I can collect in two days, but I can say that Mr. Malik has a girlfriend, a Perrie Edwards. She goes to formal social events with him and it is known to the media that they are together for three years now but they don’t live together.”

The look on Liam’s face made the detective unsure of every word he was pronouncing and made Louis fall into a laughing fit.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…phew…that was fun to witness…” Louis said after he controlled his laughter.

“I don’t mean to disrespect Mr. Spark but …”

“Zayn is gay…the girlfriend is a beard.” Liam said calmly… “So that means Zayn is still in the closet to the media and well everyone else except for his close circle. Which means what, he must be dating Styles!” Liam concluded angrily.

“Then Styles had been cheating on him a lot dude.” Louis said casually.

Liam raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You know this Mr. Styles?”

“Oh please…we call him Haz, yeah I know him…chill dude and no I don’t think he’s with Zayn in any way other than professional. You ask me why my friend I tell you because he would have mentioned it to me…and yes we are that close but no I didn’t ask him about his work and I didn’t know that he was Zayn’s manager so stop looking at me like you want me dead!” Louis explained as he read every single emotion facial expression.

The detective cleared his throat cutting the silence.

“If you give me more time I can gather information about Mr. Malik’s partners if there is any…or any further information about his love life.”

“Yes please do… and contact me as soon as you find anything…” Liam said standing up to show the man outside.

Mr. Spark stood up in his turn, assuring Liam that it will take him a week maximum to know anything there is to know about his person of interest.

Liam got back to his living room looking tired and worried. Louis came back with two cups of tea. He gave Liam one and started sipping from the other one. Liam looked at him still.

“Stop with the death stare. I will call Styles to get an invitation to the gallery don’t worry.”

“That was not what I was going to say!” Liam objected.

“Yeah right…and I’m Wayne Rooney!”

Liam rolled his eyes…

“Okay, I wanted you to do that, but also I think you are hiding something!”

“I’m not!” Louis said indignantly.

“Why are you so sure that Harry is not in any way involved with Zayn?”

“Okay, I will tell you, “Louis started, “but this secret stays between us…I swear if Harry knew I said something to you he’s gonna kill me, because I wasn’t supposed to know…blabla… nosy…blabla!”

“Sure, I won’t tell, now spill!” Liam pressured.

Louis put the cup of tea on the table, and then leaned back on the couch. Liam cracked his knuckles, he knew Louis was enjoying the anticipation he’s building a little too much.

“Okay, Harry he’s been in love with Niall for I don’t know... forever.” Louis said like it was no big deal.

“Niall, Niall?” Liam asked in disbelief, “Niall Horan, my guitarist Niall? What’s the connection?”

“Liam dear you have to get out of your bubble, the connection my friend is that Niall and Harry went to the same university and now every time we get out we ask Niall out, of course that’s if he was in the city, because you know he’s always busy on tour with some stuck up knob of a pop star!” Louis explained with a mischievous grin.

“Not funny Lou…” Liam said messaging his temple with his fingers, this was getting out of control; well this situation was so tangled like a giant pot of hot noodles...

“What do you mean?” Louis asked confused.

“Nothing Lou, I need to go shopping, and you need to make some calls, we have a gallery opening to attend tomorrow!” Liam said with determination.

 

***

 

Liam looked around him for the thirteenth time, trying to pinpoint the host of the gallery, but with no avail. He had no choice but to walk around and observe every painting that was on display. He remembered the brush stroke signature of Zayn, it developed since he was a teenager but it was still there. He saw sadness in some of his work, some was bitter sweet…other paintings showed anger. He did not know what was it about Zayn’s art but he could just tell the mood with one look at the color theme. He knew he understood nothing about art, and he never wanted to understand…but what was Zayn’s was different…special. He took another flute of Champagne from a passing waiter and sipped. He saw another painting, but this one was really familiar. It was a landscape canvas showing a set of very familiar eyes. It was the only painting that mirrored happiness. His eyes, crinkled in a way the observer would know he was laughing in that moment, it was incredible to the last detail. He must have looked puzzled because Louis came standing next to him to look at whatever that caught his attention. Louis looked back at him and then back up again at the painting.

“That is… wow, he’s really good.” Louis said with wonder.

 

“From all the people on the planet Louis Tomlinson you’re the last I thought I’d see in one of my art galleries.”

Louis and Liam turned around sharply, Harry Styles was standing facing them both wearing a charming disarming smile.

“Hello, Lou!”

“Haz, how’ve you been? Your hair gets longer and curlier by the minute bro!” the comments made Harry laugh and gave him a short brotherly hug.

“And you must be Liam Payne right…” Harry asked with a small smile on his face… Liam nodded at that and shook Harry’s hand briefly.

“Yes, in the flesh…I really like the art…um I feel connected to it somehow…so where is the painter…I want to congratulate him on his success… he is amazing I mean even an ordinary person like me could tell that he has great talent.”

Harry nodded in agreement looking around him like a proud father.

“Yep, that is Zayn… but he doesn’t attend actually…this sort of exhibition, he’s shy and withdrawn like all great artists are I guess. He trusts me to handle his business.” Harry said looking intently at Liam “did you like something you want to buy?”

“Well yes as a matter of fact, I really want to purchase this one behind us…the eyes are just perfectly done.”

Harry looked at the painting and his lips went thin, “I’m afraid this is the only painting that Zayn is adamant not to put for sale actually. I asked him about it, he says he just wants to show it but never sell it…I thought it is a crazy thing to do…but then I figured it must mean something for Zayn and he can’t part with it.”

“Well then we sure look like we came here for nothing,” Liam said with a note of anger in his voice, he handed his flute to Louis and excused himself, he whispered to Louis that he will be in the parking lot waiting in his car. Louis did not want him to go alone, he didn’t know what kind of paparazzi were out there but then he had no choice.

“What’s his deal?” Harry asked…

“Uh, nothing he really is a fan of Zayn’s art, he just wanted to meet him…” Louis said with a devilish smile… “Listen, Harry do you happen to know when Zayn will attend a social event?”

“Yeah why do you want to know?” Harry asked looking at him with suspicious eyes.

“Tell me and I’ll tell you!”

“Err, I think it will be the charity event, at the blue hall!” Harry answered scratching his head.

“Okay, make sure you come too, I’ll make Liam bring Niall with him… but make sure Zayn is there or no deal big boy!” Louis said flashing sharp teeth to a confused Harry.

“Okay…but Louis!” Harry said before Louis got the chance to be out of earshot, “If you did something to hurt Zayn, I will kill you….both of you!”

Louis smiled …he knew Harry and his death threats, he was always bluffing…all about talking big and no action, he winked at him and walked toward the exit door. He knew he had a very frustrated Liam to calm down.

 

***

_++Two days later++_

Louis walked into Liam’s house to find him in his room, he was sat down on his bedroom floor a collection of paper scraps and photos scattered in a ten inch radius around him.

“Hey dude, what are you doing…we have a charity to attend!”

“I know Louis and it’s not before four hours, calm down!” Liam said not even looking at him. Liam was contemplating a photo he took of Zayn, it was a good day, the first sunny day after a long cold winter, and they were out in a public garden, having a traditional picnic. It was a good day. Liam smiled softly at the photo.

“Awe…look at you staring at your ex like a creeper…stop dwelling on the past…work on the future Payno!” Louis said motivating his friend to move over what happened in the past.

“Yeah I know…” Liam said with a choked up voice. He saw Louis pick up a photo, it was of him and Zayn under an oak tree that was in their backyard when they started saying officially that they were in a relationship.

“That’s really cute.” Louis commented.

In the picture Liam was sitting, his back was leaned on the tree bark, Zayn was leaning his back to his chest, sitting between his legs while Liam’s arms circled his middle protectively. Liam remembered that day, Zayn had a book in his hand, he will never forget that moment.

 

 

_“What are you reading love…you look so intense reading it.” Young Liam asked Zayn trying to kiss him behind his ear while Zayn squirmed away because it tickled._

_“Lii, stop…I want to finish it before the weekend is over, plus it is a classic French lit book…called Therese Raquin…it’s about a woman that got into an arranged marriage with her sickly cousin. So she cheats on him with her husband’s work buddy, who is more virile and handsome. This goes on until they get bored of going around…so they plot to kill him. Then they live miserable after that… now I still haven’t quite finished so be quiet.” Zayn reprimanded._

_Liam went silent giving Zayn the time to finish his precious reading but he noticed that Zayn was not turning the pages._

_“What’s wrong babe.” Liam asked worriedly._

_Zayn turned his head around to look him in the eye and asked innocently._

_“Would you ever cheat on me Li…I mean if someone better hit on you…”_

_“Zee what are you talking about…do you think there is anyone in this world that would matter to me other than you..huh?” when Zayn looked down Liam reached to pull his head up by the chin, he kissed his lips softly and whispered: “Never Zayn… you’re it for me love!”_

 

Liam woke up from his daze, he regretted this too…all these promises that he made and did not really keep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voila..any comments??


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn has confused feelings!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.... sorry for any mistakes...I'm gonna fix what I can when I have the time...enjoy xD

“What am I wearing…hmm?” Zayn said into his phone after a giggle… “What do you want me to wear babe!” he paused for a moment, listening…

“Oh…hell no, not again Mat, okay … whatever…” he said before resuming his act, he talked in a sultry voice: “I’m wearing that black lacy panties you bought for me last time… yeah it fit me nicely, my ass sure looks cute in it….”

 

Zayn was resting on his basement couch. It was too comfortable and that is why it was placed right in his work space. The room in his basement was his ultimate painting room; it was where he traveled away with his imagination transforming it into concrete visual beauty. Whenever he needed a break he’d go take a little nap on his very comfy couch. However, at that moment he was horny and fortunately, Mat called him at the right time for a change. So phone sex was the legitimate thing to do. Art work was scattered all over the place, the walls around him were all covered in sprayed paint Graffiti, his once white T-shirt left discarded on the floor near the couch. He laid there with nothing on but his boxers, gently palming his already aching cock while he was listening to the dirty things Mathieu promised he would do to him later on that night.

 

“Yeah…I’ve been a very bad boy…”Zayn did not have the time to finish the sentence as the phone was snatched from his hand swiftly.

“Hey…” he said trying to understand what happened, until he heard Harry’s voice.

“Oh, really…he will call you later, he has something else to do…oh I don’t know Mathieu you’re a big boy, you can take care of yourself, bye.” Harry said scornfully.

Zayn looked back to see a very irritated Harry Styles looking at him. He flashed him a very dopey smile.

Harry glowered at him, crossing his hands over his chest.

“Oh great!” he muttered then asked out loud: “Zayn are you high?”

When Zayn only giggled to himself-he held his forefinger and thumb very close together and closed one eye and said an unintelligible: “A teeny tiny little bit-tle”-he knew the answer.

“You know we have a charity event to attend in three hours!” Harry admonished.

“Ah, the more reason not to go my dearest friend, give them the money they want…we have to save the lives Harry, but I don’t have to go there to show myself to a bunch of snobs.”

“You have to make an appearance there, you know it’s not just because of you donating the money, it is also about your art…Look Zayn I swear I’ll drag you up to your bathroom and put you under cold water till you sober up…come on.”

Zayn yelped as Harry made a move to grab his arm, he attempted to flee but ended up sprawled on the ground; he was having a laughing fit, clutching his sides.

Harry sighed and gazed at the ceiling in a silent prayer for patience.

***

Zayn walked out of his cold then hot shower with a frown on his face. He saw Harry lounging on his bed with his hands behind his head staring dully at the ceiling.

“Ah, here is sober Zayn!” he said cheerfully as he saw Zayn walking past him clad in a black underwear, trying to dry his wet hair with a while fluffy towel.

In a response Zayn only scowled, and walked to his closet trying to find something formal to wear.

“You killed my buzz… you’re an awful killjoy Harry you know that…such a fun sucker…” Zayn was muttering angrily as he threw shirts everywhere out of his walk in closet.

“I have nothing to wear, God… I just hate going to events like this … it’s kind of absurd, they spend money to raise money well _chapeau bas_ for all of you fake charity people…”

“Stop muttering Zayn, you’re going anyway…and try a plain white shirt with your burgundy Armani jacket and those black pants and you’ll be good to go, I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.” Harry said as he was heading for the door, “Oh and by the way, we’re taking Perrie with us, so you might as well quick up.”

“Great, at least I’ll have a companion to complain to about you…” Zayn shouted knowing Harry was halfway down the stairs.

 

Once in the majestic blue hall where the event was organized (Zayn still has no idea why they called it blue hall since it was actually clad with Italian white marble), Zayn stood next to Harry while the latter was chatting up some very aristocratic couple that looked like prospective clients. Zayn just agreed with everything everyone said with a fake smile plastered on his face. He looked around to see where Perrie was and he caught her talking with a couple of women, he smiled as he saw her talking excitedly. Perrie was just like that, could talk with anyone in the world with great passion. She was a children book illustrator and that was why Zayn connected with her easily, artist to artist… even though Harry was the one that introduced them. He nodded again laughing at whatever this rich man was saying; he was not even paying attention because someone just walked into the hall bringing chaos of paparazzi noise with him. Harry looked where the noise what coming from and brightened up magically.

“Who’s that?” Zayn asked; Harry seemed to know who just arrived.

“Uh, that’s Louis Tomlinson… you know him the football player…”

“Yeah but who’s with him?”

“Umm, Niall Horan I guess…” Harry answered with a small voice.

Zayn gaped at him, wait, if he is here then Liam fucking Payne is in the country and he is probably… no not probably he is definitely here.

“Son of a bitch…” Zayn exclaimed trying to flee, “I’m sorry Mr. Holmes It was really a pleasure to meet you but I got to go…”

Zayn started backing away still staring at where Louis Tomlinson was standing with no other than Niall Horan and next to him stood a very familiar figure. The person that followed Zayn everywhere even in his dreams. Zayn’s heart started thrumming in his chest, its beat going in a fast crescendo, everything around him was a blur, and someone must have put all sounds on mute, because his ears were filled with an eerie buzzing sound. Liam Payne was standing there; a smile stretched his sinful plush red lips while his sparkly chocolate eyes were searching frantically around him for something …or someone. Zayn was not prepared for any of this; he was not prepared when Liam’s eyes met his own and held his gaze… the smile on his face radiant.

“Zayn what is it?” Harry asked taking him aside.

“Err, Harry I really need to go alright…I’m not feeling well, I need to go home now. You can stay if you want I’ll just find my way out.” Zayn said hurriedly as he searched for the exit route. Once he found it he got away from Harry’s grasp and walked as fast as he could amongst the small groups of people that were gathering all around the place.

Zayn made it out of the building, went out of a back door, he did not know where it lead him until he found himself out on back street engulfed by the chilly air of the night. Only then, he stopped to take a deep breath, he tried to calm his breathing and the beating of his heart. He counted to ten, and then started all over again until he was calm enough to get out of there. He heard the back door open again but did not think to look behind; it must be some worker taking a break or something.

“Zayn…”

It was only a whisper, but the breeze of the night carried it to his ears as if it was a cry. He did not want to turn around, he did not want to look at him… and yet he knew he would. He knew he could not just ignore him and run away. He could not always escape this and as they say “you cannot escape your past” so he sighed inwardly thinking about this quote he read once _“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.”_ He thought about those wise words… maybe he can close this door forever; perhaps he could just forget about all this once he found closure about this matter with Liam Payne.

He whipped around; hands in his jacket pockets, and looked Liam in the eye.

“Liam…” he said politely, forgetting about smiling because he knew it would look phony and it would end up like a grimace of anguish.

“How are you?” Liam asked tentatively, a sheepish smile stretched his lips.

“I’m fine.” Zayn answered nodding as if to approve on his answer.

Liam bit his lower lip awkwardly before saying his next sentence, he seemed really tense.

 _Well he should be…_ Zayn thought.

“Listen, I know you were trying to avoid me just then… I’m sorry if I caused you any inconvenience tonight… but I really wanted to talk to you… we left things hanging between us for five years and it’s not… I just want us to talk about it…” Liam tried to explain but Zayn did not really want to listen.

“Look, there is nothing to talk about Liam. What happened it’s all in the past now, nothing you’re going to say is gonna change a thing so it’s kinda a waste of our time.” Zayn said what he had to say and started walking away, he just wanted to get out of there; Liam’s presence was suffocating him.

“Zayn, wait please… just give me a chance… that’s all I’m asking for.” Liam pleaded. Zayn knew if he looked back and saw Liam’s big puppy imploring eyes that he will cave and say yes…he’d even try to comfort him… so he did not look.

 

“You know Liam, I couldn’t believe the irony in these last rumors about your girlfriend cheating on you… now you feel exactly the same way you made me feel…So when you forgive your ex-girlfriend Liam maybe then you come and talk to me.” Zayn said harshly but he could hear the shivering of his own voice in the end. He could feel his hands shaking from the intensity of the feelings rushing through him.

 

He was trying to hurt him but he did not know why. It had been years and he still held a grudge. He still felt the pain fresh as if it was only yesterday, and he did not know how to heal it… how to fucking close this open wound in him. He thought it would begin to heal once he saw Liam in the same position he put him in, but it did not. Even when he knew his words would cut Liam like knives…he did not feel any satisfaction at all. He only felt worse as he walked as far away as possible from the only person he wanted to be with.

 

 

Zayn did not really know what possessed him to go there, but he just could not go home that night. He rang Mathieu telling him he was on his way to his place. The latter was really surprised by the nightly visit because Zayn seldom went to his place and he sure never spent the night there. When he opened his front door, Zayn pounced on him and kissed him roughly knocking the air out of his lungs.

“What the hell!”

“Shut up Mat, please can you just not ask any questions? I want it to hurt tonight!” Zayn requested before moving forward to kiss Mathieu again.

The older man stopped his advance and gaped at him, he was puzzled...he figured something was wrong and Zayn must really want something that was bothering him out of his mind for tonight. However he had to ask, he had to make sure that what he heard was correct.

“Zayn, are you sure?”

Zayn’s eyes shined strangely when he looked at his sex partner confirming what he wanted with a breathless “Yeah, I’m sure.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need comments.... constructive criticism....   
> Should Zayn still feel betrayed and hurt?


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm hello...I dunno if you're enjoying this but if u are...thank you for giving it a chance... and I'd hope for more interaction (comment guys tell me what you like and what you don't like)

_"This time_

_Don't need another perfect lie_

_Don't care if critics ever jump in line_

_I'm gonna give all my secrets away"_

Liam Payne, international pop star, the one the world always talked about and the one everyone wanted to be around, the Liam that sang his heart to hundreds thousands of people all around the world, was nervous. He was worried because he knew that maybe tonight he will be standing in front of the only person that really knew who he was and he was afraid that this person will judge him. The only person he really trusted and felt real around him was the one that will reject him.

He did not know what to expect if he was honest with himself. He expected him to be shocked but to stay aloof in his presence. He expected him to try and avoid him all night. He even imagined he would confront him by giving him the cold shoulder or to act as if he were a total stranger to him.

He perceived several theories that were probable, but never in his worst nightmares did he imagine Zayn, with a cold angry look on his pretty face, firing these venomous words to him. What he said was an ugly truth, he had to admit, but it was a low blow nonetheless. And to consider his worst nightmares were those of Zayn standing in front of him crying and broken, accusing him of killing his love, breaking his heart…of so many things Liam was not sure anymore he deserved to be accused of. The worst thing of all was seeing Zayn that way…Like broken angel.

He only wanted to explain his end of the story, because Zayn only saw what happened from the other side. He never stayed to hear an explanation, and he never did. Liam tried to contact him, but Zayn knew too well how to disappear from someone’s life. He had done it to one of his best friends before, but that was another story. He knew that nothing he would say, would excuse anything he had done. He was well aware that there were no excuses there. He could only explain what had led him to the moment that Zayn witnessed. Hell, it was not that Liam would have continued it to the end. Or would he? He was not sure, everything in that night was a haze until everything went to hell. He was foolish, he was young, he was thrown into a life that was glamorous and fun…yet so lonely at the same time.

And he was there, he understood, and they both were missing people back home. They talked about the people they loved and they shared some booze, they weren’t even supposed to drink back then but when one’s a celebrity some things tend to be overlooked. He knew he was not supposed to drink that much, he was a lightweight and he did very embarrassing things when he usually was drunk or high…but one thing led to another and his life as he knew it actually ended. He just wanted to say to Zayn that the other guy was not a threat; he was not special to him in that way. Hell, he never even touched him after that because they both knew that what they’ve done was a mistake. They both were just desperate for a human touch, for something close to real, not cheap and borrowed. Even if he still saw the guy every day, and spent time with at work, he was just a friend that was head over heels in love with another. He hoped it would have work for him soon. He just needed something to back up his story, his very truthful story. And after this explanation, he would have begged for Zayn’s forgiveness and asked for a second chance, because honestly everyone deserves just a second chance; a chance to show how sorry he was and how much he truly cared.

He did not know if he was going out of his mind or if he was a good mind reader, but he would categorize Zayn’s reaction in the positive box. He knew Zayn so well, and he knew that if Zayn was really over him he would not have acted the way he did tonight. He was not so assured if this was his vanity talking or his logical mind and memories. He just knew that when Zayn had no feelings for a person he could treat him as the social standards would apply, with indifferent politeness, or rudeness according to the person of course if confronted face to face, but most of the time he would ignore them completely. In his case, Zayn tried to escape even being in his presence, and he saw that Zayn actually saw him looking at him. When their eyes met, Liam’s heart dropped between his feet, his heart just skipped a beat or two and he was not sure he was actually breathing. He was pulled out of his gaze only when he realized that Zayn was taking the exit. After that there was the way he tried to sound indifferent, but Liam noticed the slight tremor in his voice when he spoke, that was unusually higher than he remembered and not to mention the tightening of his jaw muscles and the way he was biting on his lower lip. Zayn was all in all feeling something, was it hatred, contempt, or something else? Oh how Liam wished to know…but he reckoned that sometimes ignorance is a blessing, because what if the answer was something he would not like.

He did not know what to feel or what to think, he truly wished he could have a drink …or ten. However he made an oath to never get that drunk again and he never did, not since that night that marked the start of a cursed/blessed life. After wondering the streets of London alone, aimlessly with the weight of the world on his shoulder, he was lost. Not in the meaning of the place. He checked his phone to find more than ten messages from Louis and Niall… they were all wondering about his whereabouts and his wellbeing. He sent a quick message to Louis that he will head to home soon and then took a taxi, he was just tried and he wanted to sleep.  


When he arrived, he found a group of people already there, looking worried. There were Louis, Niall and surprisingly Harry. Niall looked embarrassed. Louis was demanding to know what in the hell happened tonight. Harry looked confused, Liam was sure he was wondering what his part in this whole situation was. So Liam had no choice but to tell them everything, all his secrets were going to be revealed tonight to the people that were close to them- Zayn and him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for the kudos really helps to continue with this nonsense :P


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the lovely comments xD  
> Here's another chapter  
> there will be mistakes :S

Zayn tried to shield his eyes from the morning sun rays that filtered through the window. His eyes fluttered for a minute, he opened them slowly…hazily looking at his surroundings. His eyes felt heavy and burnt lightly as if he spent the night crying. He felt disoriented because where was he, this room was not familiar.

His heart dropped suddenly and his stomach felt heavy; he was at Mathieu’s. He fucking spent the night at Mathieu’s. He cursed under his breath and groaned trying to bury his head back under the fluffy pillow. He groaned in shame when he flashes of last night past through his mind.

Liam was at the charity event last night and he tried to talk to him. He wanted to ask for a second chance?

He was so rude, he was angry…impulsive, he tried to hurt him.

He went to Mathieu and asked him…he asked him to have his way with him, like he was some kind of slut. He couldn’t believe this, how could he? And the worst thing is Mathieu did not concede to his wishes. Well, he figured something was wrong but he knew it was not the time to take Zayn like that…not that night. He knew Zayn wanted a distraction, he could just feel Zayn was filled with emotional turmoil and he craved something physical. Zayn just begged him to spank him like Mathieu always suggested it. So he did as he asked, until he cried like a baby and then Mathieu fucked his mouth until Zayn just relaxed his throat, until he gave him all the control he wanted. Zayn was turned on from the treatment and the hot stinging he felt on his ass and back thighs. He was aroused to the edge of madness. However, Mathieu had plans for him, he made him lay on bed, with his legs spread and he ordered him to clasp his hands together above his head and stay still. He just touched Zayn, everywhere. Zayn was not used to this, not from Mathieu who was always rough and quick. Mathieu just took his time caressing every inch of his body. He kept on teasing Zayn, brushing his cock with his fingers, stroking it gently with the tip of his thumb and index, tugging on his balls and circling them ever so gently. Until Zayn was arching of the bed…writhing every time Mathieu stopped touching. The latter kept on going this edging session until Zayn forgot his own name. Zayn only begged him, begged him for mercy… he begged him for release. When Mathieu knew Zayn could not carry on anymore, he ordered him to stroke himself but he harshly commanded him not to come until he came. And so Mathieu sat on a chair he placed facing the bed, and started stroking himself, watching Zayn mirroring his moves, biting his lower lip and trying so hard to hold on…

Zayn could still remember the way it felt when he reached his orgasm. It was different than any other he ever had. It was mind blowing. He truly could not process anything in his mind for the next thirty minutes. He just lied there on bed, feeling loose, like he could not raise a hand if he wanted to. He also did not move when Mathieu was cleaning him and after that he just cuddled him and told him to go to sleep. Zayn surprisingly slept like a baby. He could not believe that Mathieu could be trusted, not in this way. He did not think he was capable of being gentle but apparently Zayn was wrong.

He tried to sit on the bed, hissing in pain as he felt a faint sting when his ass chafed on the bed sheets. He tried to reach for his cigarettes on the bedside table but his hand grabbed a piece of paper instead. He unfolded it and saw Mathieu’s neat handwriting on it.

 

_“ ’Morning sleepy head…Had to leave- a meeting for work. The house is yours, feel at home. When I come back we have to talk asap_

_PS: Hope your lovely ass is not hurting so much if so there’s a soothing lotion in the bathroom’s cabinet.”_

 

Zayn re-read the note several times. He was still shocked at how easily and gently Mathieu was handling his situation. Zayn always thought that Mathieu was kind of a big jerk. He thought he only cared about having a fuck with Zayn and that was all. Maybe that was it, Zayn thought. He should not interpret the thing. Mathieu knew something was off and he’s trying to help Zayn so he would not lose his obedient fuck body and that was that.

 

Zayn closed his eyes as he flicked his lighter and lit the end of his cigarette, inhaling the first drag. He let the smoke out after a moment. It was time to think about the issue at hand. Liam was trying to reach him. He was trying to what exactly, rekindle their old flame? Zayn knew that he did not give Liam any chance to talk to him after he saw him making out with Niall on Liam’s hotel bed.

He sighed before taking another drag. His mind went back to that day. He tried to contact Liam’s management in order to give him a surprise visit; something to cheer him up on his long tour in North America. He prepared everything, and his passport was ready and he was so ready just seeing Liam again. However, Zayn had to know that he was the one who was going to receive the biggest surprise in his life.

The cheating scene Zayn saw was a breaking point, yet before that he just could feel that there was a drift growing between Liam and him. Since Liam started going clubbing with some famous and rich people like him. When he had to move to the city, and when their skyping and was reduced to the weekends and special occasions. Liam was living the busy life of a new pop star and Zayn was left behind to wonder. He had his doubts because he never felt so special. He never had this blind confidence in himself. He knew deep down Liam deserved better because he was so ordinary. Liam was the talented one, and so soon Liam would be rich and famous. Zayn would still be his ordinary self.

Zayn opened Liam’s hotel room door, and the shout of _“Surprise”_ was stuck in his throat forever. But really Zayn blamed himself because he should have seen it coming. Liam introduced Zayn to Niall once, when Zayn visited Liam in the city, on week-ends. He should have known that there was no comparison between him and Niall. Niall was amazing, easy-going, funny, loud, sociable, and talented. Niall had rosy cheeks, blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, and Zayn was nothing compared to him. It was only a matter of time. The only thing Zayn wonders was still why they did not date after that? Did Liam feel too guilty to even go on and be in a relationship with Niall?

He asked himself what if he just let Liam talk to him at the time…what if he let him apologize and then forgave him back then. Bu then he shook his head, he could not. The pain he felt in his chest ate him alive, it consumed him and he was just numb. He did not want to hear any excuse he just wanted to escape…escape and forget. He knew Liam will try to contact him, so he changed his number, he deleted all his social media accounts, and he did not have many to begin with. He also warned his mother that he did not want Liam Payne to set foot in their house ever again. His parents tried to ask, but from looking at Zayn’s teary eyes, they just guessed. Liam tried to contact him at school and around town, but Zayn just ignored him. He had his two best friends Adam and Anthony protect him from any confrontation. They protected him as two loyal bodyguards. That way, Liam gave up trying. He went back to fulfill his big dream and Zayn went to university to pursue his passion for literature and art.

Zayn felt curious about what Liam had to say to him. His hand shook as he took the last drag of his cigarette. He thumped it into an ashtray he found on the nightstand and he slid back to rest on his back on the comfortable mattress.

He ran both hands through his long hair and tried not to tug on it too much. He tried to search within himself… he wanted to know if he had any feelings for Liam. He was afraid he still felt something toward him. It was not exactly love. He would not name it love. He honestly did not know. He reckoned his heart would not act the way it did when he saw him last night if he did not have feelings for him. He admitted to himself, he still wanted Liam, sexually…yes, from that he was sure. He knew that for the last four years he still had wet dreams because of Liam, although the dreams changed to fit his imagination and drifted away from reality. He just was not sure of what he felt emotionally. For the time being, he was reluctant to have any romantic relation with Liam. He thought his heart would fail him if he let it be that vulnerable again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think...I know it still going slow but it was needed to explain the things that happened in their past! What do you think??


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for closure.

_"'Til all my sleeves are stained red_

_From all the truth that I've said_

_Come by it honestly I swear_

_Thought you saw me wink, no_

_I've been on the brink, so"_

Liam rested on his living room couch, his eyes were fixed on a point in the ceiling but his thoughts were scattered all over the place. He had a pair of grey jogs and a white tank top on, and it’s been two days. He never was a man that could sit still in one place. He was not the type that loved to stay at home alone. No, he was always active; he had always something to do, people to meet. However not this time; he just wanted to be left alone.

After he had told everything to Harry and Louis, with the help of Niall, who was reluctant for Harry to know, they promised to help with the situation. Harry surprised him. He did not expect him to jump on his side, but he understood that Harry had an aversion to the guy Zayn had been seeing lately. So they all agreed to help Liam reconnect with Zayn.

However, things were not as promising as Liam hoped they would be. Harry tried to contact Zayn, but the latter did not go back to his home the night he saw him. A day later, Harry informed him that Zayn has sent a text message telling him that he was going to spend the week end at Mathieu’s place, and according to Harry, Zayn never spent time at his place. So Liam spent the whole weekend fretting about this mess they were in, just wondering what kind of relationship Zayn had with that guy.

“Stop thinking Payno, I swear I can hear you from here.” Louis said as he put another cup of tea on the table next to him; Louis thought whenever someone was feeling down, one should make them a cup of tea, which was absurd in Liam’s opinion, but he was not going to complain.

“I’m not!” he denied in a monotone tone.

“So you say… if I was Charles Xavier I’d be deaf by now from how loud your thoughts are, relax Harry promised Niall that he will talk to your brooding tragic artist.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been trying to talk to him for years and he never listened, I hope Harry all the luck I couldn’t have.”

“I will be honest with you Payno,” Louis said hesitantly, “If I was in Mr.broody’s place, I’d do the same…hell maybe I’d have done more. I never thought, I mean you and Niall…really!”

“His name is Zayn, and yeah I know…it wasn’t supposed to happen.” Liam retorted angrily, “it was a mistake. People do mistakes Louis. I’m only human. I have my flaws, trust me I never liked them. I did mistakes in my life and I learned to live with them, but I try to fix what I can and this one I will fix... no matter how long it takes.”

Louis looked away for a second; he saw sincerity in Liam’s eyes. It was raw and pure, and he believed his friend. He knew that Liam was not a bad person; he knew that he was not from the type that liked to play with people’s hearts. It was highly possible that two persons who spent a lot of time together to share a moment. Unfortunately for Liam the timing of that moment was really bad.

Liam sighed heavily and closed his eyes; he tried in vain to chase away the memory of the cursed day. It was after the last show they had before a short break.

Niall sent him a text saying he’s sneaked some beer, to meet him in his and his drummer’s room. His band was there, and they were partying, chilling, and sharing some funny anecdotes. They spent there some time, and he got to talk with Niall. They talked until after midnight and Liam was starting to feel dizzy by the time. He had low inhibitions and laughed a lot for no reason. He still felt the left of the buzz from the show, and something else. There was a connection he felt with Niall, not an emotional one exactly; no…it was something they had in common, an experience they were sharing that nobody from their old life could understand. He did not recall who leant closer first, who took things in hand…in his mind it seemed like they both wanted the same thing at the same time.

The kiss they shared was nothing like he was used to with Zayn. Kissing Niall was like comforting a friend; it was like doing a favor for someone one cared for, it was nothing compared to what he felt when he kissed Zayn. Kissing Zayn was like flying and reaching the edge of space, then going down in the speed of light to the deepest parts of the ocean, exploring wonders that the human mind would never comprehend. It was a feeling that no song in history could describe. Even saying those words in his mind did not give the matter justice. One would have to be in his shoes to know exactly what it felt like. For him, that was it, the love he always believed it existed. He had faith in this love and he will never give up on it.

 

***

Zayn sat on the kitchen counter in Mathieu’s large t-shirt and his boxers, he checked on his phone, while Mathieu was making some eggs. There was another text from Harry who wanted him home in the next twenty four hours or else. He smiled at his friend’s threat.

Mathieu took the phone form Zayn’s hand and put it on the counter next to him. He rested his hands on either side of the smaller man and looked him in the eye without blinking.

“So, don’t you think we should start talking about it?”

“Talk about what exactly?” Zayn feigned ignorance of course; he put his hands on Mathieu’s bare chest then moved them slowly to his sides, feeling his muscles ripple under his touch.

Mathieu laughed darkly. “You’re not getting away from this again Zayn. You know exactly what I mean! And I think you’re running away from something, or someone!”

Zayn bit his lower lip in a sexy way and fluttered his long eyelashes repeatedly.

“I love when you go all Sherlock on me babe, you’re so hot.” He said as he started peppering kissed on the side of his neck. However, Mathieu drew back. Zayn figured he was done with his games. He was avoiding this for two days now.

“Okay, you’re right!” Zayn muttered, “First, what happened when I first came here, I just want to make it clear that it was a onetime thing, I don’t want this in our future hook ups.”

Mathieu’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief.

“Are you sure? Because you seem to be into it…I mean I never thought you would be but you were…I mean you should have seen yourself…”

“Mat, just please…” Zayn interrupted, his tune getting higher, “I don’t wanna talk about it. Whatever that was, I don’t want it again. I was trying to escape from someone…as you said, from the past, but I know now that I should face them and listen to what they have to say until the end.”

Zayn out his hand on Mathieu’s mouth when he looked like he wanted to interrupt, he just wanted to say what he had to and go home. He needed to get away from Mathieu for a while.

“Listen, These past couple of days, I don’t regret, they’re fun, but I should go back to reality, we just… this can’t work, between us and I should really be going home right now, Harry’s going crazy and I have to give closure to myself on some issues, I think I deserve that at least.” Zayn hopped off the counter and kissed Mathieu goodbye.

“Okay, whenever you want me, you know what to do!” Mathieu whispered and Zayn liked that about him, the way he just understood, without too many questions asked.

“Yeah, of course.” Zayn answered smiling. When he left Zayn was not sure about anything except for one thing, he was sure that now more than ever he wanted to settled things with Liam Payne. He decided that it was time to hear what he had to say, and then Zayn would just be done with it. After that he hoped he will get some sort of closure; something to help him to move on with, maybe to try and open his heart again to someone, someday in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for mistakes... and for the really slow movement of the plot! So...comment :)


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn wants somebody :l

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wrote this today...sorry if it's short.

Zayn crossed the threshold of his house in the same clothes he left in two days ago. He took a calming breath and crossed the entrance hallway to the stairs leading to the first floor. A movement caught his eye in the living room to his left and yes, he should have predicted that Harry would be waiting for him like an inquisitor. However he did not expect Harry to have a guest with him, Niall Horan.

He ran his hand through his already messy hair, put his jacket on the nearest arm chair and approached his two guests with a frown.

It is one thing for Harry to be here and lecture him about disappearing the way he did and be alone with his mildly sadistic and kinky lover but to bring Horan with him that was crossing the line in Zayn’s perspective.

“Glad you showed up!” Harry started with his lecturing, “We were all worried sick about you, especially when you turned off your phone.”

Zayn shook his head as he sat down on the opposite couch; he rested his elbows on his thighs and glared at Harry.

“You don’t get to lecture me, what is he doing here?” He asked throwing his head in Niall’s direction.

“Okay, you want me to get to the point...fine,” Harry retorted looking at Niall hesitantly, Niall just nodded encouragingly, “Remember when you asked me once why I just have one night stands and I told you that I like someone, my roommate when I was back studying in university, but I was a coward and didn’t tell them how I feel about them. Well that someone was and still is actually Niall.”

Harry didn’t give Zayn a chance to comment, he saw his puzzled expression but went on with his explanation.

“In the charity event, I got the courage and asked him out, and we talked and we figured that we both felt the same way about each other but were too afraid to get it and we wasted so much time.”

Zayn was about to talk again when Niall interrupted.

“He knows Zayn, Liam and I told Harry and Louis everything the other night. What happened; I can assure you that it meant nothing to me, and it was the same for Liam… It was a just a stupid mistake and I’m sorry but I never meant to hurt you. I never had any feelings for Liam and I never will because I had a big crush on this guy over here, and it’s still not going away!” Niall said honestly and looked at Harry adoringly.

Zayn looked at the way Harry too Niall’s hand in his, and how he pressed on it comfortingly. He knew Niall was talking honestly, he could hear the sincerity in his voice, but all this would not fix anything. The past is gone.

“Niall,” Harry started addressing Zayn again, “he was the one that actually told me about you, Zayn. I reckon now that Liam talked about you and Niall thought of me when he did, he actually told me about this one undiscovered artist that had an incredible talent. He asked me to check out on you, see if you have potential. And I did, if you remember I told you that a friend of a friend told me about you. I did not know at that time your connection to Liam. I’m just trying to say that because of them we are here now. I know we would have made it anyway, but they made things faster; you can’t deny that we did great galleries and exhibitions together.”

Zayn was out of words, he did not know what the right thing to say was; he was surprised to say the least, but he had mixed feelings about everything that was being revealed to him at the moment.

“You understand that by sending Harry to you I was taking a big risk,” Niall explained looking at Zayn with shiny blue eyes, “A risk that would cost me to lose harry forever, there was a 60 per cent chance that you and Harry would end up together. I mean there was no reason not to, but this did not happen and we all know why.”

Zayn’s eyes mirrored a questioning expression, so Niall went on. “Harry and you are both still attached to other people. Now I know Harry like me too, and you Zayn still have something for Liam.”

Zayn snorted at that, “No, I don’t have any feelings toward Liam, okay… let’s make that very clear. I may have backed myself into a dark corner these past years, but it’s only because we did not have a closure. I should have listened to Liam a long time ago, I should have told him that I forgive him, but that I’m hurting and we should then have gone our separate ways.”

“So if you came here to convince me to see Liam, you got what you want because yes I wanna meet him and I want us to settle this thing once and for all. But if you came here to tell me that we could be together again, then you’re wasting your time.”

Zayn stood up, pacing around a little, “I’m really happy for you,” he declared with a small smile, “I hope you stay together and don’t do the same mistakes you did before.” He turned around to go upstairs, he needed to take a long hot bath, and he wanted to cry.

“Zayn wait,” Harry shouted stopping him, “Friday, I’m having a barbecue at mine; I’m going to invite Liam and Louis, be there okay. I know you want to be alone so I won’t disturb you, but reply on my texts or else I’ll come to kick your ass.”

Zayn looked back and flashed him a smile, he started climbing the stairs, but then shouted back.

“You know your way out and tell Liam to stop worrying so much, he’s gonna get his hearing soon.”

The raven haired young man might have been chasing the idea of Liam out of his mind for four years now but no matter what he did, he still knew Liam better than anyone else in the world. He drew a bath for himself, a thing he haven’t done for a long time, he pealed his clothes off and slipped into the heated water, sighing at the instant comfort it brought.    

He closed his eyes as two tears escaped down his cheeks. He tried to fight the sobs, but there was no use in trying to suppress it down. He was all alone. He hugged himself protectively, trying to get over with his emotional distress. It was in these moments that he wished he still had two strong arms to embrace him, and the chest that was always there to rest his head on it.


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are forgiven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...  
> I will just update in the week-ends sorry...

It was awkward to say the least.

They were all sitting in Harry’s backyard, while Harry was preparing the burgers and hotdogs. It was less awkward when Zayn was not there, but the silence went heavier by the minute since he walked outside. Harry, Niall and Louis were trying to maintain a light conversation. Liam eyes were fixed on Zayn and the latter was doing his best to completely ignore him. Liam observed Zayn closely this time… last time he saw him, he didn’t see the differences. Like when he was young, his hair was short… Now it was longer, shiny, with a fringe that made him look softer contrasting his light stubble that shadowed the sharp lines of his jaw. His eyes were the same, even more beautiful than they were in his memories. There were shadows under his eyes, and he looked tired. He wondered what was wrong… if it was his fault! He still had the sign that he was nervous; biting on his lower lip like it was chewing gum. Under his flimsy white sweater he could see the lines of inks that littered his torso and arms. He only remembered the name of Zayn’s deceased grand-father. He found himself curious to know more, to discover every tattoo, but he wondered if he will ever have that right again. Zayn’s clothes were still simple, but stylish, yet his accessories were more sophisticated. He really looked like a dreamy artist.

After thirty minutes of an awkward silence cut occasionally by a comment or two from the three outsiders to the situation, Harry had enough.

“Okay, Zayn why don’t you go start with the salad in the kitchen yeah and Liam you go and help him.” Harry ordered with an authoritative vibe that suggested the tasks to be done with no objections.

Zayn only glared at Harry, shooting lasers off his amber eyes before he got up and stalked his way to the kitchen in a lazy walk. Liam shot up off is seat and trailed after him like a loyal puppy. Liam walked into the kitchen while Zayn headed directly to one of the cabins and pulled out a big glass salad bowl. He apparently knew his way around Harry’s kitchen.

“So… how long you’re gonna pretend I’m invisible? 'Cause I’m starting to think that maybe I am.” Liam said leaning on the marble of the island.

Zayn brought the lettuce after washing it, and started shredding the leaves as if they were his mortal enemy. Liam sighed, running his hand through his short hair.

“Zayn, I’m sorry if I hurt you…” Liam said and his voice cracked a little, “I swear I would never hurt you on purpose, never… you were and you still are for that matter the most important person in my life.”

Zayn snorted; that was the only way Liam knew he was listening.

“You think I’m lying?” he asked quietly.

“Well, you’ve got a weird way showing what you’re sayin’.” Zayn retorted still not looking at Liam.

“God knows I tried Zayn… and you know it, you didn’t give me the chance remember, I couldn’t pause all my life chasing everywhere after you!”

Zayn tossed the lettuce in the bowl in fierce movements.

“That’s your excuse… after what you did?” Zayn shouted, finally glaring at Liam, his hands balled into fists.

“You have to be reasonable about it; I stayed two weeks trying to beg for your forgiveness but you secured yourself with friends and family, even now I can see you built fortified walls to keep me out! How am I supposed to gain your trust again? How am I supposed to ask you to forgive me if you’re not willing to listen?”

“Well, I’m willing to listen now, say what you want.” Zayn retorted, he hopped on the opposing counter, waiting.

“I will not say what Niall already told you. What happened in the past, it was a foolish mistake…childish even. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything to anyone and I was not thinking, it was the first time I did not think about how these actions are going to affect you if you ever known.” Liam stopped to check Zayn’s reaction; he was now looking at him attentively; a faint familiar memory of the Zayn he used to know reenacted right before his eyes.

“I knew that the life I engaged in was taking me away from you, and that it was a matter of time before we really drifted apart, but I was fighting so hard to keep it all together, I was trying to make it…for you, because I knew what we had was real.”

“But you didn’t.” Zayn murmured.

“Yeah, I was naïve; I was impressed by anything and everyone I saw. Now I know nobody will know me the way people knew me from the past. I’ve changed, yes… but not for the worst. I became more aware of what life could be having down its sleeve. The good and the bad, and I certainly leant the hard way Zee; it wasn’t all an apple pie life. It’s hard, but it’s a life I chose so I won’t be complaining a lot.”

“It was you’re dream.” Zayn provided.

“Yes it was, and I don’t regret it. I only regret letting you slip away babe.” Liam said softly.

Zayn tucked his bottom lip between his teeth in a way that made Liam groan internally. Being close to Zayn in this way was going to give him constant chest pains, and raging “hard on”s.

“I want to forgive you, Liam, for breaking my heart, and for lying to me, because I still remember that you promised you won’t cheat, even when someone better comes your way.”

“He was not better…” Liam objected, shaking his head.

“Well my point is: you’re forgiven. However, I don’t think that we are meant to be anymore. Time has passed, and we are both independent adults. We can stay friends if you want.”

“Zayn…” Liam interrupted; he knew what this could mean. Being friends? Friends that only talked if they met over with other friends… it meant they are only acquaintances now. It was better than complete strangers, but he wanted more.

“I can’t Liam,” Zayn said with honesty, “I won’t let myself be involved in a romantic relationship with you again. If you care for me like you say, respect my wishes.”

Liam was panicking. He knew that getting Zayn’s trust back would take time, but this was painful. He weighed his options and he knew he would have to do anything Zayn wants in order to gain some of his trust back. So he nodded slightly.

“If that what you want,” Liam said with croaked voice as if he was forcing the words out, “I will be your friend Zee I will be anyone you want me to be… whatever you need.”

Zayn had the first and the faintest smile drawn on his face before he stood straight up again and went back to his salad.

“That settled would you help prepare the dressing?” He asked amiably.

Liam smiled back. A smile crinkling the edges of his eyes, he saw Zayn looking fondly at him and his heart may have just stopped, or maybe moved out of its designated place. He did not know what to do of this, but he knew that things were going for the better, or at least he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think... are you enjoying it so far?


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn defense squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm back!... I'm so sorryy for the late update!!! These last two weeks were crazy... I was very busy and I didn't get any chance to write a single word :l... today was okay so I wrote a chapter... hopefully you'll like it :S

Things were going for the worse.

Liam felt foolish for hoping that things well get better from the moment he and Zayn became friends. He was foolish to think that Zayn would wait and see if he really changed for himself, and maybe he would consider them as a couple again. However all this was wishful thinking because Zayn wanted to start dating again.

It all started with the day after the backyard barbecue at Harry’s.

 

Zayn was sitting on his stool; he was adding the finishing touches to his newly painted canvas. Since he came back from Harry’s he felt light, happy and inspired. He was happy that he and Liam are now friends again, that Liam is once again a part of his life. It felt good to hear an apology said with sincere remorse. It felt better when Liam said that he was still the most important person in his life. Zayn knew that he was not ready to open up to Liam the way he did in the past, but he was ready to stay in contact with him, he was even ready to invite him over sometimes. Liam always loved the way he worked on his paintings. When he was a novice painter he would sit quietly next to him, watching him for hours without complaining. Okay, so maybe he used the time to also do some push-ups and sit-ups but Zayn wasn’t complaining either; it was a sexy view… a distracting sexy view.

When he was done Zayn went to lie down on his couch, thinking. He wondered about Liam. Why did he decide to come back now? Harry said that he will be working from London for some time before touring again. After spending five years in L.A. only visiting England for gigs, Liam had finally come to live…to stay. Was it for him?

The buzzing of his phone in his pocket interrupted his line of thoughts. He guessed it was just a message before he picked it up. The screen showed it was a message from Mathieu. He was asking if he could come over tonight. Zayn bit on his lower lip reflectively. He was considering the situation of Mathieu. They never really deeply talked. Their relationship was more physical…sexual…animalistic if one would say, but he never considered him in a boyfriend perspective. Zayn thought that it would not hurt if he tried maybe asking him about it; if he was willing to date properly. So he decided to open the subject tonight. He sent a text back saying that tonight was okay.

So Zayn had everything set up, he ordered some Pizza, brought some beer and got some movies they could watch. Mathieu preferred creepy thrillers so he got some of these too; he only hoped he would get to sleep later.

However, when Mathieu came over, he couldn’t say it, they were watching the movie and he didn’t want to interrupt, well…was he having second thoughts? He was thinking about it the whole evening but then he gathered all the courage he still had left to just say something.

“Okay, whatever has been bothering you this night, just spill it out!” Mathieu said it before he could have the chance to say a word, but Mathieu did not stop at that, his hand slithered softly to rest on his upper thigh. He gulped nervously, he did not know what to say, and Mathieu was in that playful mood. Mathieu did not wait for him to verbalize his thoughts, he leaned closer to him and started sucking the side of his neck, just below the ear, it was his sweet spot. He gasped; he wanted to get over with it.

 

“Mat, wait… I want to …to talk to you about something…”

“And what that might be?” Mathieu asked between the kisses he was drawing on his skin.

“About… us actually.”

Mathieu drew his head back and considered Zayn closely, trying to guess if Zayn really wanted to talk about them, or he was just saying that because he was not in the mood for sex.

“What about us?” he asked hesitantly.

Zayn paused a little, like he was measuring the words he wanted to say.

“Err, well recently…I saw someone that I had a long history with and we did not have any closure until recently. I never realized that this whole thing with him was actually stopping me from having any kind of relationship, even dating. But now, I guess I’m ready to do that again you know, and I thought why not try with a person I already know and trust.” Zayn said the last words in a tone that sounded like a question from his part. He looked at Mathieu’s face who had his eyebrows raised, and a disturbing smile on his face.

“Okay, so you are trying to tell me you want us to start dating and not just have sex?”

“Yeah…”Zayn breathed nervously, afraid of an upcoming rejection.

“Umm, then will you consider us playing more in the bedroom?” Mathieu bargained raising a questioning eyebrow.

Zayn grimaced at that, he was not a great fan of Mathieu’s kinks but somehow his treacherous body loves it. It was not really the physical act that he was reluctant about… it was the emotional aspect of it; Zayn did not like to be controlled. Mathieu was possessive and a control freak, also a neat freak but that was beside the point.

“I’ll think about it.” Zayn responded, he bit his lower lip, Mathieu was not satisfied by his answer, but that was all he was going to get out of him tonight.

“Alright, so why don’t you go wait for me naked on your bed while I clean up this mess.” Mathieu suggested, he hurried to add when he saw Zayn was about to object, “I know it’s your house but you know me, I can’t see a mess without getting rid of it, that’s me get used to it babe.” He swatted Zayn on the bum playfully when he got off the couch, Zayn glared at him before giggling and going up to his room. It was true that Mathieu was too bossy for his liking, but he was not promising anything he could not do and he was not a cheater.

 

Mathieu could not keep smiling to the fact that Zayn was at last warming up to him. He knew that if he did something good by him when he was at his lowest it will pay off. Zayn will be his soon enough.

 

***

Liam was pacing the room, back and forth. Harry had just texted him to tell him that they need to meet as soon as possible. All Liam could get out of him was that Zayn was making the biggest mistake of his life. So naturally Liam was worried. Liam’s blood was boiling and he could not sit still for one minute, not until the bloody meeting started. Louis sent him a message saying the “Zayn defense squad” is going to meet at 7: 00 pm.

After what felt like a whole eternity to Liam, all the “squad members” arrived and were sitting in his living room. Harry stood up, and started to explain his concerns with his deep sleepy tone.

“So we are all here because we care about Zayn. We want him and Liam to get back together. However, Zayn was seeing someone, it was actually just for sex, but yesterday he told me that they will start dating.”

“Who is he?” Louis inquired. “Whoever he is we can investigate about him and scare him off.”

“Well I’m afraid he’s smarter than that Lou and somehow he made Zayn trust him, and that why I’m worried. I’m afraid that Mathieu is bad news. But Zayn can’t see that, because Mathieu treats him good. But I know that he’s bad, and I know that you Liam are the best for Zayn.”

“Well we all know that,” Niall added, “That’s why we’re all gonna help!”

Liam was listening to all this conversation but there was some strange buzzing in his ears. Zayn was seeing someone. Zayn trusts this someone more than he trusts him. Zayn is sleeping with him. He is bad for Zayn. He could never let him fall for this, but how could he help when Zayn just forgave him two days ago!

“Liam… Liam are you still with us body?” Louis was waving his hand in front of his face which woke him up of his wondering.

“Err, yep…so what did you decide? I mean I don’t know exactly what to do without letting Zayn actually hate my guts.”

Harry nodded, pensively, Liam was right. If he tried to warn Zayn about Mathieu or even intervene in this new relationship Zayn would flip and will blame everything on Liam.

“You’re probably right, so I suggest we keep close watch on Zayn and Mathieu. We can also get to know him, and give him the talk you know, like if he ever hurt Zayn, he’s gonna have to answer to us. Louis you can kick his butt right?”

“Oh, I know I can and I will very soon.” Louis said aggressively. So maybe exciting Louis about kicking someone’s ass was not the perfect solution, but one’s got to do what they got to do.

 


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smack that :S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want the week-end to finish without me posting any updates so here you go...I hope you like it.

Liam never thought that a day would come when he would say that he loathes someone. Unfortunately this day had come; on the very next weekend they all knew about Zayn’s plan to date Mathieu. As it was agreed on by all parties, Harry’s place was neutral ground. In this sense, the members of the “Zayn defense squad” decided to organize a small gathering in order to get acquainted with Zayn’s perspective -future to be (we all hope not)- boyfriend.  

And that was how they all met Mathieu, in Harry’s backyard while they all shared different kinds of pizzas with strange toppings and drank bottles of cold beers.

The first thing Liam thought about when he met Mathieu was what a douche he looked like. Liam was surprised that Mathieu was blond with a set of extremely cool grey eyes. He was Liam’s height, but better built, with more bulging muscles that were prominent even under his clothes. There was an air about him that Liam disliked, something like annoyance in his aristocratic features made him want to punch him in the face.

The second thing was what a jerk he actually was. The first time Liam was introduced to him, he smirked menacingly, yet to be fair, both “ex” and “soon to be” boyfriends were trying to crush each other’s fingers while shaking hands. After they sit down, they launch a staring contest that lasts for a long time.

What actually needled Liam the most was that Mathieu had what he wanted. Mathieu knew that, and he taunted him. He knew he was doing it on purpose. He knew about Liam. He would rest his hand on Zayn’s thigh, he would touch his cheek, or his neck and he even kissed him apparently “lovingly” on the cheek and pecked him when he said something sweet. And poor Liam was boiling from the inside. He was an explosive volcano that could burst at the first small upheaval. He honestly did not know if Zayn was doing this on purpose or if he was oblivious to what was happening to him! The only thing he knew was he won’t give up.

“So, Mathieu, tell us more about your work.” Liam inquired in what he hoped was a light chatty tone; however he knew it was not when Zayn threw him a warning look, with a slightly arched lovely eye-brow. He only smirked a little in return, which made Zayn roll his eyes.

 

“I’m responsible of a team of graphic designers and other people mainly the managers of other teams and I also supervise on the advertisement’s final production. It’s a very interesting job, thinking of creative ways to sell a product that people mainly won’t really need. It is kind of like what your own people do to sell their music.” Mathieu answered and finished his sentence by dragging Zayn to sit on his lap.

Liam knew that Mathieu was taunting him, he was not an easy obstacle, he was there to stay and it really angered Liam to see him sitting there, touching what used to be his. He knew he didn’t have the right to be irritated or even jealous, yet he couldn’t really help it. Mathieu was looking Liam in the eye when he was kissing Zayn, so Liam knew Mathieu is smart and cunning. What frustrated him more that Zayn was absolutely oblivious to what Mathieu was deliberately doing.

Zayn excused himself to the bathroom, Liam found a pretext to go inside too; he needed to warn Zayn. The latter was on his way back when Liam stopped him.

“Hey, can we talk?” Liam asked nervously.

Zayn nodded solemnly, and followed him to Harry’s room. Liam waited for Zayn to enter and then he softly closed the door behind him.

“So, what’s up?” Zayn asked looking around the room, avoiding Liam’s eyes at all costs.

“You’re for real Zayn?” Liam asked arms crossed over his chest, “You’re actually dating this douche.”

“That’s none of your business.” Zayn shouted indignantly, his hands resting on his hips in a defensive way.

“It is because I care about you… are you doing this to hurt me? If this is the case then it is a very stupid idea.” Liam said-he didn’t know what happened to take it slow, and what if he hates you; he just could not stand another scene of Mathieu groping Zayn.

“I can’t believe you,” Zayn growled in frustration, “You think I’m doing this to get your attention? You know what, first you don’t know Mathieu so please save what you have to say and never speak ill about him in my presence, that’s if you don’t want to lose me as a friend also and second I got over you and you should do the same, forget about us Liam.”

Zayn went to overpass Liam and reached for the knob to open the door, but Liam’s hand circled his wrist stopping him midway. Zayn looked at where Liam was touching him then at Liam’s eyes questioning furiously with his over expressive eyes.

“You’re sure Zayn. You’re absolutely sure that you feel nothing towards me, nothing at all, even if when I do this?” Liam whispered in a husky passionate voice as he lowered his head so he could brush his dry lips with Zayn’s cool ones. He heard Zayn gasp as their lips made contact. Liam moved to trace Zayn’s mouth with his lips and tongue and for a moment Zayn responded, he nearly opened his mouth for Liam, but then the moment was gone as quickly as it came. Zayn moved his head back and Liam didn’t see it coming he rather heard the noise before he felt the sting on his cheek. The force of the slap sent his head to the opposite side. He placed his hand on his already heating cheek and looked at Zayn in amazement. To be honest with himself, he never thought Zayn had it in him to actually slap someone. Zayn’s eyes looked worried in a moment before they hardened again.

  
“For your sake, I’m going to pretend this never happened.” Zayn said before going out of the room hurriedly as if it was on fire.

 

Liam stood there in the middle of the room with his hand still on his cheek where Zayn’s hand was imprinted on his skin. He was still chocked but after a while he started to laugh like a lunatic. He knew he was not imagining Zayn’s first response to his kiss. Zayn still cared but he was just trying to convince himself that they were over. Liam had to sow him that they still can be, but how was the most important question. He should think of ways to make Zayn just confess that he still wanted him. God knows he never quit wanting Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think??


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yours or his?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this chapter... If you fee; it's a lil bit off... know that it is not really a product of inspiration but because I forced myself to update :S... I hope you like it and sorry for any mistakes it's 3:00 am x-x

The ride back home with Mathieu was quite. Zayn was still stunned by what happened with him. Liam kissed him! Liam was jealous. Zayn felt satisfied to know that fact; Liam was seething because Zayn was dating someone else. However, Zayn never thought that this will be the result of him dating Mathieu. Although he was very flattered that Liam acted on his jealousy, he was pissed that Liam had attacked Mathieu’s person the way he did; he didn’t even know the man! He knew deep down why Liam was concerned but he chose to ignore it. All he knew that Mathieu cares for him and that he can be trusted when Zayn is in a crisis.

Zayn brushed his lips briefly with the tips of his fingers. The ghost of Liam’s lips still lingered there, and he would not lie to himself, because his beating heart gave him away. He must admit that Liam still affects him the way he used to be.

He glanced over Mathieu who was concentrating on the road, he seemed tense; the muscle of his jaw moving, his lips strict and thin. He wondered if Mathieu knew there was something between them.

“So, how did you like me friends?” Zayn asked lightly trying to change the gloomy mood.

“They’re lovely, although I think the one with blue eyes, what was his name Lewis? I think he hates me for some reason; every time I looked his way he was glaring at me with this scary look. You’d think I killed his dog or something.”

“Oh… well Louis, I don’t know him much, he’s Liam’s friend, but you know how friends can be protective and all this tradition of “don’t you dare break his heart.” Zayn defended, and then shrugged.

“Yeah, well they definitely did that while you were in the bathroom.” Mathieu said coldly.

“Oh, they did?”

“Yep, and Louis even threatened to castrate me but let’s not talk about that, shall we.”

“I’m sorry.” Zayn said quietly. He tried so hard not to laugh at Louis’ claims.

“That was not what’s bothering me right now. We’re going to my place, and you’re spending the night Zayn. We need to discuss something and I think that after today you need to explain some things that you haven’t told me yet.”

Zayn gulped and nodded. He knew Mathieu had some theories and he was angry Zayn didn’t tell him about his relationship with Liam before actually meeting him.

 

The rest of the ride was filled with anticipating silence. Zayn expected Mathieu to shout, give him a lecture, then another redundant speech about how he should trust him and tell him everything… however Zayn never expected him to pin him to the door and give him the most brutal kiss he had ever had. He quickly deduced before his mind went blank that Mathieu’s lecture is going to be physical, specifically sexual. Zayn was glad to tell the truth, he preferred to ease the tension between them with brutal sex rather than shout or even worse share their feelings. He did not fight Mathieu; he knew that Mathieu was angry; he did not want to antagonize him by fighting for dominance. He knew beforehand he was going to lose anyway. He just gave him access to his mouth and let him ravish him the way he liked. Mathieu fitted one leg between his thighs so it was easier for them to dry hump each other.

Zayn moaned loudly when Mathieu gave his attention to his neck, and Zayn was so close already… but then everything stopped. Mathieu backed away smirking.

“Now that I have all you attention… you can tell me all about this Liam!”

“Err… what about him?” Zayn said avoiding his penetrating gaze, subtly trying to adjust himself.

“Do you think we’ll need the cuffs tonight?” Mathieu asked with feigned.

“Okay, alright… God...” Zayn wined, “Liam is my ex-boyfriend… we were together since high school then things happened…”

“And you did not think it’s worthy to mention that you’re ex-boyfriend is an internationally famous pop star?” Zayn opened his mouth to defend himself but he was interrupted by another question.

“And you didn’t think it was important to tell me that this same ex-boyfriend apparently wants you back?”

Zayn miserably failed to conceal his wonderment. Mathieu was perceptive, he had to admit. He gulped loudly, ran his hand through his disheveled hair, and then went to sit next to Mathieu on the living room couch.

“I didn’t think it was really important… and you don’t have to worry about him. I’m the one who decided that we can’t get back together, and I won’t change my mind.”

Zayn said that blatantly, changing his position and straddling Mathieu’s thighs; he was still hard; he needed to continue the action.

“You have to show me then Zayn… show me you’re not his anymore.” Mathieu said hoarsely.

Zayn looked at him hotly. He knew what Mathieu wanted. He slipped from his lap to the floor, kneeling between his legs. He kept the eye contact with the man who was looking at him like a predator. He licked his lips slicking them and moved his hand slowly to Mathieu’s thighs.

“Don’t fucking tease.” Mathieu growled impatiently.

Zayn smiled innocently and tugged his zipper down. Mathieu got really eager so he removed Zayn’s hands away and ordered him to keep them behind his back. He pulled his dick out and cupped the artist neck to pull him forward. Zayn almost unclasped his hands from behind his back, but he stayed put, wanting to please Mathieu and to prove that he was his for now.

Mathieu tugged on his hard shaft for a while before he just slid the slick head on Zayn’s pink lips.

“Open wide babe.” Mathieu ordered, and Zayn obeyed.

The dominant man moved Zayn’s head the way he wanted, he was groaning in pleasure each time the head of his dick nudged Zayn’s throat and the later kept on gaging and contracting around his hardness. He was melting to the way Zayn’s tongue was messaging the underside of his cock and the way his cheeks hollowed to increase the suction. Zayn knew what he was doing even if he had a sensitive gag reflex.

“Keep me in bitch I’m coming down your throat.”

He tugged on the black strands of Zayn’s head to keep him in place and finally came. Zayn’s eyes were watering when he let him breathe again. He kept on coughing and gaging until he managed to swallow all the cum that was given to him; Mathieu did not like it when he spit back.

“Stand up but keep your hands behind your back.” Mathieu said after his breathing evened again.

Zayn did not know how he was able to do it because his knees hurt and he didn’t have the balance to stand still but he did it. Mathieu tugged him closer when he did, looking him in the eyes with dramatically sad eyes. He crudely grabbed Zayn’s apparent bulge and fondled it. Zayn shamelessly moaned, seeking the hand that was pleasuring him when the pressure was gone.

“Aw, princess is still hard… let me see babe how hard can you get.” Mathieu teased.

He opened his zipper and unbuttoned his jeans, tugged them down to his knees. Zayn felt ridiculous standing there half naked in the middle of the furnished living room. Mathieu got his hard dick out and wrapped his fingers around it; he stroked him lightly, carefully observing Zayn’s reaction while he thumbed over his weeping head. Zayn could not keep the moans from coming filling the quiet living room with his arousing melody. He realized that Mathieu did not want him to come yet; he was teasing him, almost tickling the underside watching it twitch from arousal and then tugging on his balls, circling them on the palm of his hand, he went back on wanking him slowly. He kept on teasing until he heard Zayn pleading with him to make him come.

“What did you say babe? Didn’t hear that… speak louder.” Mathieu ordered with a smirk on his face.

“Please, Mat… please make me come.”

“Alright babe, I’ll give you what you want, only because you asked so nicely. Now I want you to get naked first, and then go down on your knees and bend over the couch.”

Zayn eagerly removed his clothes and nearly tripped over his pants in his hurry, which earned him a growl to do it slowly. When he did remove his clothes Mathieu tapped the couch before standing up again. Zayn went down on his knees and bent over the couch. He felt the presence of Mathieu behind him. He felt embarrassed because of his position but really he should have gotten used to it by now. Mathieu got off on humiliating him.

“Good babe, now spread your legs like the bitch you are, let me see that pussy babe.”

Zayn wined from how hot and mortification but he did what Mathieu asked. He felt Mathieu’s big hands ghosting over his overheated skin. A hand pushed his back lower on the couch so he could present his ass better, and other kneaded his right ass cheek, thumb lightly brushing over his hole. He muffled his upcoming moan with his crossed arms.

Mathieu did not get straight to getting him off. He kept his teasing session on, squeezing his ass cheeks, circling his hole, tugging on his balls and stroking his dick slowly from the back.

“Getting closer?” Mathieu asked lightly.

“Yeah… please… don’t tease.” Zayn pleaded in a middle of a moan.

“Not until you say it babe… say your mine.” Mathieu said, his strokes getting faster and the slowing down.

Zayn whimpered he was so close, he wanted to please Mathieu and he did not want him to worry about any other competition; Liam included.

“I’m…m yours… Ma please…”

“Whose are you say my name Princess.” Mathieu growled in his ear, tugging on his earlobe with his teeth, fist on his dick getting tighter and moving faster, pushing him slowly over a cutting edge.

“Mathieu…” Zayn screamed as he reached his climax, his eyes tightly shut, back arching, head thrown back to rest over Mathieu’s shoulder. Mathieu kept on stroking him until he started squirming away from the touch. He stopped immediately, mouthing over Zayn’s neck, licking the sweat away; Zayn was like putty in his embrace, still tired of his overwhelming orgasm.

“Don’t relax yet babe, we’re not finished yet for tonight.” Mathieu whispered in his ear. The tired man shuddered all over from what his lover was promising.

In his chaotic mind, Zayn realized that he just declared to Mathieu his commitment and yet he felt so unsure about that decision. He knew he wanted Mathieu for now, but the question was; what if Liam kept on pursuing him the way he did tonight? Is his will strong enough to constantly push his undying flame away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... Ziam will get together... but Zayn will have to learn Liam's value first :P  
> Btw... it's getting really quiet without any of your comments... I wanna know what comes to your mind when you're reading this chapter or any chapter :)


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :D:D:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... I'm back :)  
> I hope you're all having happy holidays!  
> I was so so busy with work and my final project so I didn't have time to write!  
> I hope you like this.

Liam never thought that his level of hatred towards the so called Mathieu could get any higher than that, but apparently he had been mistaken, big time.

Not only did Mathieu openly challenge him each time they had a gathering, but he also treated Zayn like his possession. Liam detested this kind of love; he even questioned if Mathieu truly had feelings for Zayn in the first place. As for Zayn, he appeared happy, not bothered by Mathieu’s ways of showing affection. Liam could only say he was blinded. Unless, and that was what Liam feared- Zayn actually did like being treated like a possession, because the Zayn he knew so well would not let anyone regard him as an object.

Therefore, Mathieu win battle after battle and Liam began feeling hopeless again, until Mathieu had a false sense of security over Zayn’s loyalty. Three months of torturing Liam passed, until Mathieu did a mistake.

Zayn was pacing his pacing room back and forth. Mathieu was late. Zayn was participating in an international art exhibition. It was the most important event of his career so far. Mathieu promised he will accompany him, and they would attend as a couple, and Mathieu was late. He was supposed to pick Zayn up at 7 and at the moment it was 7:30, and no sign of his so called boyfriend!

Zayn’s phone rang a soft ding, signaling a message has arrived. He unlocked it to see that it was from Mathieu. Zayn’s face darkened when he saw its content.

 

_Mathieu 7:32pm_

_Sry babe, I have an urgent meeting at work, can’t make it… I’m sure you’ll be brilliant… have a good night xx_

Zayn nearly threw his phone in frustration. Now he is going to be late, he has no date and no ride. His cousin had lent his car for a week and sure thing he could call a private taxi but how would he look like arriving in a taxi while all other artists arrived in fancy shiny cars with their beaux on their arms. He breathed deeply trying to figure what he would do next. Harry was on a date with Niall, Louis, he didn’t know so well, plus he had a football match tomorrow so he would probably sleep early. Liam… no… he can’t ask Liam.

 _Why not, you said you could be friends now… friends can ask favors…_ A little voice inside his head said.

Zayn pressed call on Liam’s name without even processing what he had done. He quickly put the phone on his ear, just in time to hear Liam’s grave voice say: _Hello._

“Ah, Liam… how are you, mate?” Zayn grimaced as soon as the words left his mouth; since when he called Liam mate.

“I’m fine…” Liam replied slowly like he was trying to discover why in the hell Zayn was calling him and talk and the same time. “How are you… mate?” Liam added but with a more sarcastic tune, which made Zayn wince.

“Err, well I’m actually calling to ask you a favor!” Zayn said straightforwardly, but his voice went real quiet at the end of the sentence that Liam had to put a finger in his other ear to hear him properly.

“Oh, sure ask away babe…” Liam said quickly, which put a small grateful smile on Zayn’s face… too bad Liam could not see it. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah… well yes… I just have err, tonight I have an important event I have to be there at eight and well… I had to be there with Mathieu but he had something with work and he couldn’t come and now I don’t have a ride or a date… and Harry…”

 

“Harry’s on a date with Niall. Yeah I know… so you need me to give you a ride… It’s okay I’m at the studio now, I need about fifteen minutes give or take…”

 

“Actually, I was wondering if you could accompany me… as a friend, I’m really awkward when it comes to social gathering and there will be journalists and I don’t like the press Li…” Now he sounded like the real Zayn talking to his Liam. Zayn internally clapped because he strated to sound genuine.

 

“Erm… fine but I have to go home first, I need to wear something suitable for the event or my PR will kill me, can you meet me there so we won’t waste any time?”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll meet you there.” Zayn said.

 

“Great, then I’ll see you in fifteen I hope.” Liam said cheerfully.

 

“Yep… and Liam” Zayn said before hanging up “… thank you for doing this.”

 

Zayn quickly grabbed his wallet, checked his slicked back hair one last time then called a taxi. If Mathieu was going to ditch him, he’s got to replace him with whoever was available. Even if that person was Liam, his ex-boyfriend that wanted him back.

 

***

 

Liam’s heart was dancing in a happy beat. Zayn just asked him to escort him on a social event; an event that would be covered by media and people in general. To lower his heart rate a little, Liam reminded himself that if Mathieu was not stuck in the so called meeting he has in the company Zayn would have never asked for his assistance. He tried to control his nerves when choosing his most elegant suit, and he tried controlling his smiles to the mirror when he was fixing his chestnut shiny hair. He vainly strained his giddy heart, but it was wildly beating out of his chest once he saw Zayn. He was… to say the least… _hot, sexy, fucking attractive, edible._

Liam internally chased the crazy ideas that he was having out of his head and smiled. If Zayn noticed his shaking hands when he half hugged him, he fortunately did not comment.

“So, shall we go?” Zayn asked impatiently when Liam was out of things to say.

“Yep, I had to talk to my PR, they were against it, but I told them to fuck off, and they send me the driver because there will be press and we need a driver.” Liam mentally slapped himself, he was blabbing. “He should be here right now.” They went out off the front door, and true to his words, a black shiny Cadillac was waiting for them.

“Nice car.” Zayn said with a smirk. Liam waved awkwardly rushing him to sit in the back seat.

It was an awkward silence after that until Zayn chose to cut it with small talk.

 

“So how’s Loki? You still have him don’t you?” Zayn asked with fondness apparent on his face.

 

“Yeah, I think he misses you.” Liam said softly… _I miss you._

 

Zayn cleaned his throat, avoiding Liam’s gaze and seemed too interested in the driver’s backseat. Liam sighed. He won’t give up trying even if the whole world told him so.

 

“If you want you can take him sometimes, you know he’s yours as much as he is mine.” Liam said. Zayn only bit his lower lip. Liam went back to the day they bought Loki together.

 

_Liam just started being a little bit recognized on the streets of London. They both wanted a dog for as long as they were together and Zayn’s childhood dog has passed away._

_He had Zayn’s hand in his own. Zayn was so excited and happy. Liam knew so well how much Zayn loved animals and spoiled them. That was one of the many things Liam loved about him. Zayn was such a sweetheart and it was so obvious by the way he treated anyone’s pet. Zayn spent that day in London with him, discussing all the names they could give to their beloved dog. When they were shown Loki, it was like love at first sight. Zayn had cradled him in his arms like he’d do with a little baby. While the little puppy barked in joy, licking all over his boyfriend’s face, Zayn was gently stroking him between the ears, smiling up at Liam with his genuine smile, eyes all crinkled and tongue tucked between his shiny teeth._

_“He’s perfect Li, look at that cutie… Look at his eyes… aw!” Zayn cooed as he got up, the puppy happily tucked in his embrace, with his front paw on Zayn’s shoulders._

_Liam approached the small husky, stroking him under the chin, while the puppy sniffed his hand cautiously and then barked again expressing joy when he felt no danger. Liam laughed at the baby dog._

_“Well, we’ll take you home little one. That’s Loki… yeah zee, he looks so Loki.” Liam said giving Zayn his own puppy eyes. Zayn looked at him then at the dog and laughed one of his melodious laughter, he nodded radiantly._

_“The name fits him so well babe…no need to use your cute shiny eyes on me.” Zayn said pecking Liam on his cheek, and giving him a lick for good measure making Liam giggle while the dog happily barked joining in their laughter._

Liam went back to reality, put up a smile on his face because they had just arrived to the modern art museum. Zayn put on an unreachable mask of broodiness on his face. He looked more beautiful and more unapproachable than ever. He felt Zayn hand creep to catch his as they marched on the red carpet. Paparazzi’s and journalists going crazy as they saw a celebrity entering the exhibition hand in hand with one of the most discussed artists of the year. Liam’s smile turned more genuine, but he did not want to get his hopes up only for Zayn to destroy them again with the presence of Mathieu. He smiled and hoped to the skies that this night would be the start of so many nights he’d spend in the presence with the apple of his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. I have no betas. Thank you for reading. Love you all.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry for taking so long to update... don't worry I wont abandon the story... or my account here... but I got a job and the work is until 5pm... and then I tutor students after so I'm really busy... I haven't had the chance to write anything! So here is a very short update sry again... I hope I will be in the mood to write something this weekend XD

Liam waited for Zayn in the car. The night was a success and Zayn was really great. It made Liam happy to see his love smiling and laughing, receiving compliments with bashfulness and a slightly rose cheeks. Everyone had an eye for Liam too, asking if he was the lucky man that had to get Zayn, this was the most awkward moment of the evening. Zayn underlined that Liam was an old friend of his and that he was always supportive of his art so it was only fair he got to attend this important event with him.

Liam was not annoyed with this explanation. It was a step forward. Zayn remembered that he was the one that encouraged him and pushed him onward. He was the one that made him pick up the brush again when a prick of a teacher discouraged him. He was most of the time Zayn’s inspiration, and that fact, he knew recently once he saw Zayn’s last gallery and his favorite painting. Liam had not wanted to confront Zayn with that yet, he was afraid of his reaction.

 

***

 

Zayn entered his empty house, climbed the stairs lazily… he was thinking about his night with Liam. It brought a bitter sweet nostalgia back to his heart. A ghost of what they used to be made an appearance tonight and it was such an extraordinary apparition!

 

The sound of water hitting porcelain reached his ears once he entered his room. Right Mathieu! He sighed and started to remove his suit, and tried to look for something comfortable to wear, he found a washed out grey jogger pants that will do.

 

After a while, Mathieu got out of the shower, drops of water glistening his defined body, a white towel wrapped around his middle, Zayn was laid back on his bed smoking a cigarette watching a filmography about Salvador Dali.

 

“Your back… how was it?” Mathieu asked casually leaning down to kiss Zayn on the lips. The latter didn’t even try to kiss back. He was still pissed because Mathieu let him down.

 

“It was nice! You’d ‘ve known if you were there!” Zayn said, avoiding Mathieu by staring at the TV screen without even watching the repot anymore.

“Ah, come on don’t be like that… told you I had a meeting!”

 

“You know what… I’m tired and I don’t want to talk about that right now, I don’t want us to sleep on a fight! So good night Mathieu!”

 

Zayn turned the light and the TV off then hid under his cover. He was not in the mood to be with Mathieu right now. He was afraid to even think about it. He would have blamed Liam for that… but he could not. It was his fault. He still loved him.

 


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another update... I've just wrote it... so I'm sorry if you find mistakes... :S  
> Enjoy and tell me what you think!

Liam was barely awake when he heard the ringing on his door. He guessed who was on his door at this early hour. It was his crazy friend, Louis… He went to open the door and nope he should have guessed again, it was not just Louis on his door! It was his help brigade! The famous trio, Harry, Niall and last but not least Louis who knocked him out of the way to pass through to his kitchen.

Liam let them in then went to wash his face and brush his teeth. He went back to find the three drinking tea in his kitchen.

“Your cup is waiting sunshine!”

“Yeah, and by the way Leee, we saw the papers this morning!”

“Don’t try to deny it young man!”

Liam furrowed his brow pensively, he was trying to remember what they were talking about, until Louis shoved the newspaper in his face. On the front page there was a considerably large picture of Zayn and him on the red carpet of the gallery from last night. They were standing hand in hand, Zayn with a shy smile and Liam with his usual flashing smile he always showed in front of cameras, except that this time it was genuine; he was with Zayn.

“Oh, yeah… Zayn asked me if I could come because you guys had a date and Mathieu was held back at work!”

Harry and Niall looked at each other and then at Liam after that they communicated through their eyes.

Louis and Liam’s eyes met confused by the couple’s reaction.

“Are you sure that Mathieu was working that night!” Niall asked.

“That’s what Zayn said!” Liam replied slowly.

“Oh, he was working alright… We saw Mathieu in the same restaurant we were having dinner in last night!” Harry started…

“Yeah, and he was sitting in a way that only we could see him, and he was with a woman… they were flirting and at the end they snogged and then they left together with his hand resting on her ass.” Niall continued….

“What a lovely picture you just painted Niall.” Louis said sarcastically, nostrils perking from disgust.

“That’s what we saw!” Niall defended and Harry nodded to approve.

“But that can’t be! He wouldn’t! Would he?” Liam wondered angrily.

“Of course he would, he did actually… I’ve always felt he was bad news… I’ve always warned Zayn about his kind… he did not want to appear with Zayn in any event and I knew why he’s still in the closet or well we can say he fucks guys on the side...”

Liam took his phone and started calling Zayn…

“What are you doing?” Harry asked.

“I’m calling him I must tell him!” Liam said incredulously… why Harry was even asking!

“No, don’t,” Harry forced the phone out of his hand and hung up. “You can’t tell him now, I know Zayn he won’t believe you he will call you a liar and you’ll get angry then he will get angry and you’ll just have a fight that will go nowhere! He then will ask Mathieu about it and the latter will of course deny everything and he will call us liars… that we’re trying to separate them and that I’ve always hated him and then he will fuck Zayn and let him admit that they belong together and that is not what we need right now. Capisce?”

Liam was astonished by the monologue Harry just said… a torrent of words flowing in a second, which was unprecedented in Harry’s case.

“You’re right! But how could we tell him that he’s cheating on him!”

“We will let him figure it out Liam, Zayn is smart he will feel it, trust me!”

“Well I hope he figures it out soon! I can’t stand the idea of this piece of shit having his hands on Zayn!”

“Me neither Liam, but we’ll have to be patient!”

“Okay now that we’re done with the bad news…tell us the details of last night!” Louis inquired.

 

***

 

Zayn finally came out of his basement. Mathieu already came from work but he didn’t go down to see him. Zayn figured he was still angry because Zayn was angry.

The artist sighed in frustration and climbed the stairs to the ground floor. What caught his attention was the setting Mathieu made… there was something out of place.

A lone chair stood in the center between his living room and his open spaced kitchen.

“Nice to come up and see your boyfriend!”

“FUCK IT MAT, YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.” Zayn cried his hand over his heart.

“Sit on the chair, we must discuss an issue that’s making me very stressed.”

Zayn went to sit on the chair with an attitude. Mathieu circled him once he sat down, he tried to look back and follow his movement but Mathieu directed his head back straight to the front.

“Keep looking that way I’ve got a surprise for you!”

“What the hell is going on?” Zayn inquired, attempting to get up, but Mathieu kept him in place by his shoulders, until he relaxed he started to massage them trying to calm him down.

“You will find out soon enough!”

The massage gave Zayn a false sense of security, suddenly he felt Mathieu’s hands take his and tie them behind the back of the chair.

“What are you doing Mat, are you crazy?”

“Well hell yeah I’m crazy!” Mathieu threatened. “I will be crazy when I see my boy going to dates with other man, especially when this man is his x-boyfriend!”

“Well, tough you weren’t there!” Zayn sassed.

“Oh, yeah, but now I’m here and I’ll show you how much you need me babe!” Mathieu promised in a low suggestive voice.

“Well then get me out of these ropes!”

“Babe, I’m going to tie you to this chair and leave you hanging until you know your lesson!”

Zayn groaned… Mathieu was in the mood to take control and Zayn knew this will be his reaction once he saw the papers.

“Can’t you just go to fuck me so we’re even?” Zayn grumbled lamely.

“Well yeah, but where‘s the fun in that Zayn babe?” Mathieu answered with an evil smile eating up his face.

It took Mathieu about a quarter of an hour to tie up Zayn completely in a complicated but kind of artsy way. However, Zayn could not move a muscle if he wanted. He was stuck at Mathieu’s mercy and this made his heart beats in crescendo. He did not trust Mathieu fully, so it was exciting not knowing what will happen to him next, and that made him hard. That detail did not escape Mathieu’s sharp observation. He started rubbing him through his faded jeans. Taking frustrated groans out of him. It was becoming painful after a few minutes, it was confining.

“What do you want baby boy?” Mat asked strictly.

Zayn gave Mathieu an angry stare that could make other people shiver. Mathieu was unfortunately impervious to Zayn’s glares.

“You can glower and frown all what you want but know all I want you to do Zayn is beg me to touch you! ... I’ll make you scream my name tonight babe!”

Zayn closed his eyes, he tried to contain his moan… this will apparently not go very well if Mathieu keeps on teasing him while he’s still stuck in those stiff jeans!

“Please, Mat…will you touch my dick! I need to get out of those bloody jeans!” Zayn pleaded.

Well yeah babe anything for you!” Mat said in an easy going tone. He unzipped Zayn’s pants and unbuttoned them. Zayn sighed in relief. Mat felt the shape of his dick under his boxers, gently fondling it until Zayn was biting his lips bloody. After a while, he freed him out of his boxers, just so his dick was out in the air, hard as ever.

“I wanna hear you moan!”

“Mathieu!” Zayn cried reproachfully.

“Do it or I’m stopping!” Mat ordered.

“Pleasee, Mat…awh! Zayn moaned.

“That’s it babe… I love the sound of your moans babe should have been a singer, you’d have been even more famous that this douche ex- of yours!”

“He’s not… Ah… a … a douche!” Zayn panted.

“Whatever you say! I think I should leave it at that… make you think about what you did last night... you really hurt me Zayn… I’ll see you after I take my shower.” Mathieu said that and started heading out of the room.

“WHAT… THE… FUCK… MAT DON’T YOU DARE!” Zayn thundered frustrated as ever, struggling to get out of his restraints.

Zayn stopped his attempts when he knew he was not getting out of this situation until Mathieu would decide so. He felt ashamed again, sitting tied up in a chair in the middle of his house with him fully dressed with his dick sticking out excitedly out in the air.

A third of an hour later, Zayn was practicing some yoga to will his cock down, Mathieu showed his glorious self in front of him.

“Aw, look at that… not happy anymore isn’t it… well we should fix that!”

“Mat, please!”

“Yes!”

“Please… just make me come, I learned my lesson… I need you please!”

“Well just because you asked nicely sugar baby!” Mathieu said sweetly caressing Zayn’s cheeks.

Mathieu saw the desperation in Zayn’s eyes and knew he should give him what he seeks.

He encircled in lover’s cock with his thick fingers and began to rub, gently. It was rough without lube, or spit but Zayn knew Mathieu wanted him to suffer before he gave him an orgasm.

Mat gently ran his fingers to the head and then circled his thumb gently but continually under the sensitive head, rubbing the slit a few times. He cupped with his other hand his boy’s balls and then gripped them tightly. That was it for Zayn. Mathieu knew he had a pain kink that even Zayn did not discover yet, but Mathieu knew and he smiled when he saw how his beautiful boy toy threw his head back, mouth slack, moans filling his ears, eyes shut tightly and lashes spiked from pleased tears.

 

“Good boy!”

 

***

 

Zayn was just getting out of the shower when he heard his phone vibrate. He opened the message he received from Liam.

 

From: Liam

I saw this on the newspapers today… it made me think of how good we used to look together! I misssss yooouuu! XX

 

With the message was attached a picture of them together, but this one was taken in profile, where it was obvious how Liam was staring lovingly at him and how he, Zayn was smiling so happily his hand clutching Liam’s in a tight grip because he was nervous from being in the spot light.

 

His heart twisted and ached at that… even in the message he could see Liam’s hurt puppy eyes… his sad tone of voice… his pleading adorable pout. He did not know why, but he felt that this time he was the one cheating!

He was cheating on Mathieu… he was cheating on Liam… He was cheating on his very own heart!

 


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slip of a tongue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone!  
> First of all! It is so sad what happened the last week... and this week also! It is so sad to see people hating on Zayn!  
> I just want to say that Zayn is free to do what he feels right for him... and the boys and Zayn will always be in our hearts... forever!... that said... I don't know about you but I will still write my fanfics as if nothing happened because I can't live without Ziam in my life!!! :')  
> Enjoy you lovelies!

It was a shiny Sunday morning, warmer than any Sunday they had had for a while...Spring was near!

The "Zayn defense squad" were all gathered in Louis back garden this time, enjoying the sun and savoring some pancakes that Harry had made. Niall and Harry shared their news...and Louis recounted his last match experience move by move, detail by detail and described in slow motion how he actually scored his two goals.

  
Liam was unfocused and distant. he loved his friends, even harry, he grew to love him real quick; Harry was close to the heart and really likeable, and he can clearly see that he made Niall happy so that was enough to vouch for him. So he honestly cared about wht they had to say, he did! but he could not focus! Not when Zayn is sleeping in the arms of another. He was jealous, he knew... and he should have the right to be since the man was a jerk. He was afraid Zayn would have a broken heart and then he would really distrust people.

  
"Earth calling Liam Payne...do you copy??" Louis shrilling voice rang in his ears suddenly.

  
He shook his head as if he was trying to get rid of all the thoughts running in his mind.

  
"Yes Lewis what do you want?" he asked lamely knowing so well he was pissing Louis off once he called him Lewis.

  
"I was going to suggest a plan that will help you get near your target but after considering how much of an arse you actually are, I’ve changed my mind!" Louis retorted lips thinned into a straight line, his arms crossed over his chest.

  
His sentence made the other three give him their undivided attention.

  
"Spit it out Louis" Harry ordered.

  
Louis looked around from face to face, building up tension and suspense like always, he opened his mouth as if to say something but then he closed it again.  
"It’s a stupid idea, just forget it." he mumbled.

 

  
"Just say what you wanna say already and then we decide if its stupid or not." Niall said.

  
Liam did not say a word, he did not need to because Louis knew what he wanted to shout at him from just one look. So Louis sighed heavily and decided to say his evil plan out loud.

  
"So I was thinking about your problems because u know I have your best interest at heart. And my evil master mind came up with the following plan:  
First, we ask harry what kind of products/coffee shops/ restaurant dear Zayn is addicted to- second we fake an offer so Zayn could win four tickets to the Bahamas of course Zayn will invite Mathieu and these two sickly in love people."(Louis said waving his hand in harry and Niall direction) "While you Liam at the same day Zayn is due leaving will mention that you are going on vacation to an unknown location because u want to spend some time away from the spot light, taking your dear friend with you which is me. You will meet Zayn there and I will arrange some distractions to move Mathieu out of the way." Louis finished his explanation with an evil smirk that could match the Joker's.  
Liam was considering the plan, it was going to new lengths but he thought that he must do something unusual in order to get Zayn back.  
Harry and Niall were giggling at each other.

  
"I know exactly what to do Lou." Harry announced. "Leave the bluff on me I can make it plausible. But u decide where to go...and book the tickets already. We ‘re going on a trip!"

  
***

 

  
_"Liam, I want you!" Zayn whined to Liam, he was so horny and Liam was hot as fuck in these summer days with all his muscles showing and nipples peeking out from under his tank top!_  
_Liam stopped his sit ups and groaned... Zayn knew he could not resist him._  
_So Zayn jumped on him and straddled his hips from where he was laying on the ground._

  
_"ouff babe, I’m all sweaty! Wait until I take a shower at least!" Liam huffed and giggled when Zayn stated licking his face the way Loki does._  
_"I love you just the way you r...even when you’re sweaty... it turns me on even more Payno."_

  
_Liam looked at him with wide heart eyes, he cradled his face so tenderly, brought him down so he could reach his sweet lips, brushing them with his so tenderly until Zayn followed his movement and chased after his red plump lips._

_Zayn got tired of his teasing so he pinned him to the floor and took what he wanted, licking his tongue around, asking to gain access, and when Liam resisted he just bit on his lower lip until he gave in with a light hearted chuckle._  
_Their tongues battled playfully at first but it quickly turned hot and dirty as each tried to suck on the other's tongue trying to steal away his taste. Liam tasted of musk and something sweet like chocolate and mint as always and Zayn was drowning in his favorite taste. He loved kissing Liam. In fact he always thought he could kiss Liam until the end of time._

  
_He started to feel Liam harden beneath him, so he grinded his ass back on it... trying to elicit some beautiful moans out of him. As he moved sexily, his own hard on rubbing on Liam’s lower abs._

  
_He was hot and sweaty but he didn’t care he just wanted to stay like this forever, with Liam having his arms around him, Liam caressing his body the way he does, like he was made of glass. Liam licking into his mouth as if he was tasting chocolate. Liam moving his hand on his lower back to reach the swell of his ass, squeezing a cheek to make him gasp on a breath._

 

……

 

  
Zayn woke up startled from a sudden wetness; he cursed under his breath as he realized the dream he was just having was only a dream...

It was not real...

He was still having wet dreams that involved Liam! He thought exasperatingly.

…

He nearly jumped out of bed when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head, it was Mathieu who was lying on the bed next to him. He felt disappointed like he was expecting to see Liam’s shiny loving eyes looking at him. He passed a hand over his face, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

 

“Were you dreaming about me?” Mathieu asked with a smirk… “I know I didn’t give it to you, but I did not know that you needed it that much!”

 

“I’m not in the mood for your mocking tone Mat! Leave me alone!” Zayn said turning his back to his boyfriend.

 

Zayn wanted Liam, and he did not know what to do! Mathieu was great… they have great sex together and he’s chill, but there is always something missing.

 

He felt Mathieu’s wet lips on his nape, then on his bare shoulder, his hands caressing his back.

“You’re saying you don’t want this?” he asked hotly between kisses.

 

Zayn moaned trying to say that he wasn’t in the mood, but the fact that he didn’t have an orgasm, and the fact that his dick was having a mind of his own- made him shut his mouth and enjoy the affection Mathieu was showing. He could not help but imagine that it was Liam mouth that was kissing his skin…

That his hands were undressing him, his fingers opening him slowly, his body pinning him to the bed on his front. His hands caressing his back and shoulders as he felt the head of his dick nudge his hole. His dick breaching him, making him feel the initial burn.

It was a slow pace, almost teasing. It was so easy to imagine that Liam was the one making love to him from the back. As soon as he closed his eyes, he could see it…

After some time, his sensitive spot was stimulated enough and he felt it coming… the need to release grew fast, his dick rubbed on the bed the right way! His hands clenched on the bed sheets, bracing himself as he reached his high!

 

“Liiiaamm!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Dylan for helping me getting through this chapter ... all the love :D


	17. chapter seveteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it has been a while. but life happened. but here is an update!   
> Thank you for reading... you're all amazing!

Zayn did not know what he had done in a past life or something to deserve what was happening to him at the moment. He did not only have a wet dream about his ex-boyfriend, he had shouted said ex-boyfriend's name while having sex with current boyfriend!   
Oh, life was just ironic! Well it seemed that it was just his life.  
Oh, and did he mention the fact that he was punished by current boyfriend for shouting "Liam" when he was supposed to shout "Mathieu"!!!  
Yeah that was not fun!   
It still is not... He was stuck in a predicament!  
Mathieu felt that he needed to _discipline_ him for being a _bad boy!_ So he did not only spank him until he was crying like a little baby, saying how sorry he was for actually imagining Liam while he was the one pleasuring him. However, the punishment did not end there!  
Mathieu made him sit on his heated ass in the middle of the bed, and then he brought black bondage tape, tied his hands on the headboard.

  
HE TIED HIM DOWN ON HIS OWN FUCKING BED!

  
Yet that was not the end of the punishment!  
He made him hard again, which took no time because he was already horny from the spanking... he put on him a cock ring. After that he fingered him until he was begging to come, but Mathieu was so pissed he just shoved a vibrator inside him and put Zayn's cellphone on his chest.   
_"When you're really sorry... call me."_ he said.

  
Zayn spent half an hour in pleasurable agony until finally he could dial Harry's emergency number. He didn't know how he managed to actually come with the ring on but he chose to just wait for Harry to come and save him from this silly situation.  
He will definitely not tell anyone what happened when Harry came to his aid. He threatened Harry with torturous murder if he ever mentioned this to anyone!  
Harry was too busy laughing his ass out! Saying _I told you he was a bastard!_

  
_"_ Oh, shut up and just untie me!" Zayn said with tears in his eyes. He was frustrated; an overflow of emotions invaded his chest in a way that made it hard to breathe. He just wanted to forget about the previous night. He was embarrassed and frustrated with himself for doing that to Mathieu. It was not fair at all.  
Once he was out of the tape he removed the pain in his ass... literally… tossing it across the room and then removed the cock ring off...   
Harry covered his eyes with his hands mumbling that he will leave him alone to get dressed and went out of the room as if it was on fire.  
He understood him, it was an awkward situation.  
   
He went to the bathroom, had a nice wank that eased the pain in his groin and then had a hot and necessarily needed shower.  
When he went back down the stairs in a pain of joggers and an over-sized worn batman T-shit, (maybe it was for Liam but he won't admit it), he found Harry sitting by his kitchen counter sipping a cup of tea, while another mug was put across from him... waiting to be sipped. He loved Harry!  
   
Once he sat down and took a gulp of the mildly hot tea, Harry went to the offensive.  
"Can you just tell me why? Why this fucking asshole? When are you going to realize Zayn that your relationship with this nutcase is toxic?"   
"When you stop accusing him of being an asshole when he hasn't done anything to prove he is one!" Zayn retorted.  
"What... then tell me what do you call being tied up to your own bed, left alone with a fucking vibrating dildo shoved up your ass and cock ring?" Harry said with raised eyebrow.  
"I deserved that!"

“Nobody deserves that… well unless they want it.” Harry retorted, but then he shook his head that was not the main point. “What I’m trying to say is that Mathieu is bad for you Z, and I know you don’t see it and you are trying to lie to yourself and convince it that you love him when it is very clear you don’t. Spare yourself the agony and break it off already.”

“Harry you’re my friend and I love you and respect you… but please just get out of my love life. I can take care of myself.” Zayn said rather tiredly.

“As you wish, but don’t come to me complaining about him in the future.” Harry replied reproachfully. They both knew that Harry would help him no matter what, but Zayn nodded all the same.

 

So Harry suggested that they go have brunch in a nearby restaurant that Harry knew the owners. Zayn agreed reluctantly. When they arrived Harry let him enter first acting like the gentleman he was and that was it. Cheers and Congratulations erupted in his face.

“Welcome for our lucky million’s costumer, we have been waiting for you.” What appeared to be the manager of the place was talking tapping him amicably on the back. There was a photographer who took his picture and the other customer in the place clapped politely.

“Congratulations, I hope you come visit our place and become a regular, you won four tickets to the Bahamas. Enjoy your meal.”

He enthusiastically showed them to their table and gave them the menus.

“Would you like to start with some drinks?” he asked cheerfully.

“hmm I would like to have fresh orange juice. Thank you.” Harry requested.

“I’ll have minted lemonade.”

“O-kay, I’m coming in five minutes to take your order or whenever you’re ready.”

When he walked away, Zayn gave Harry a shocked look that made him laugh. He checked the envelope that was still clutched in his hand.

“What the bloody…”

The tickets were authentic. He thought about it for a minute then he smiled. It was nice to win something, and a vacation won’t do him any harm. Perhaps that was a sign for him to take a little rest. He should tell Mathieu. He thought. It will do them right to go away and spend some time together.

“So, you’ll come?” He asked Harry.

“Are you kidding me… if you hadn’t asked me, I’d have killed you.”

“So that’s settled then you and Niall will come with Mathieu and moi.”

Harry shook his head in exasperation.

 

***

Two days after that incident, Harry, Niall, Zayn and unfortunately Mathieu were checking in Atlantis resorts in the beautiful island. Mathieu sent Zayn to check out the rooms with Niall and the rest stayed to deal with hotel forms.

 

They reached their floor, a hallway led to a corridor where their rooms were just at the end. Zayn was walking when he bumped into someone he was not paying attention but the person was apologizing anyway.

“I’m sorry…” Zayn started to say but then his eyes met said persons face.

“Zayn!” Liam said taken aback.

“Liam! What are you doing here?” Zayn asked incredulously.

“I’m on vacation actually…” Liam said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous habit.

“Babe, where did you go? I was looking for you?” Someone called after Liam. Zayn’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. _Babe?_

Liam looked at him apologetically, with a slight wince when the person came forward and too his hand in his own. It was a boy. A tall lanky boy, with olive skin, olive green eyes and raven black hair. He was wearing too short shorts, not to mention they were pink, and a low cut lime green tank top. He was fit, Zayn admitted regretfully. He felt a bang of anger, of jealousy but he suppressed it quickly. He did not have any right to feel jealous. Liam could date anybody he wanted. Zayn was not his boyfriend anymore.

“Oh you were talking to friends?”

“Uhh yess, Oliver these are my friends, actually Zayn is a well-known artist and Niall he's my incredibly talented guitarist.”

“Oh, glad to meet you… you’re staying here too… what a nice coincidence. We should all dine together you know there is a party at nine, in this huge outdoor restaurant that should be fun. There’s also a dancing competition. We were arguing about it but I think I will convince Liam to enter.”

“Good luck with that!” Zayn said with a high pitched voice… almost out of breath, like it was somebody else who spoke and not him.

“Well thank you man now excuse us we need to get a nice tan before the evening, we hope to see you later!”

“Yeah, see you!” Liam said with a smile and went with his beau.

“What the hell was that?” Niall questioned.

Zayn didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He felt the need to scream out loud, he need to be alone.

“Zayn are you okay?” Niall asked worriedly.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Zayn replied with quivering voice. He entered his room leaving Niall alone in the hallway. He needed some air. He stepped into the balcony and breathed deeply. The tears fell smoothly down his cheeks. He tried to wipe them away but more would come. He could not believe that Liam just gave up on him that quickly. He felt sad, but then that turned to anger. Liam said he will wait on him no matter what, and now he goes back on his word!

His expression changed from sad to angry determination. He will show him what he’s missing.


	18. Chapter eighteen

Zayn was chain smoking on his hotel room balcony when his boyfriend entered the room.   
The busy minded artist didn’t acknowledge his presence in the room not even when he hugged him from behind and nibbled on the sensitive skin of his neck and behind his ear. Zayn's mind was still on Liam and that...that boy -young man that was accompanying. He didn’t like it. In fact he hated it. He felt like punching the young guy.  
"I’ve always wanted to try exhibitionism...what do u say Zayn. Hmm… do you want me to fuck while you’re standing on the balcony? Let anybody passing hear you moan and scream while I fuck your pretty hole." Mathieu said then resume on sucking a huge hicky on the side of his neck. Zayn stomped his cigarette in the ashtray he put on the handrail.   
"I am not in the mood."  
"Come on don’t be like that!"  
"Look maybe later I’m just tired of the flight and I want to sleep." Zayn turned around to face his lover with a fake smile the made his face rigid. "Why don’t you go and have a swim, tan a little while I rest." he said.   
"Fine but you owe me a blow job bitch." Mathieu accepted his excuse with a side kiss and a spank to his ass. The painter sighed his stress away once he heard Mathieu close the bathroom door to take a shower.  
Zayn pretended he was fast asleep when Mathieu got out of his shower, he felt him scrambling around for his clothes and leave the room closing the door very quietly as if he was sneaking out.  
Zayn sighed and opened his eyes, feeling guilty as hell. He kept torturing himself with crazy thoughts until he really fell asleep.

He woke up with a start on his cell phone buzzing. Harry was drilling him with messages and when he didn’t reply he started calling him nonstop until he finally woke up.  
"Yo Harry...what the hell?" he drawled with sleepy husky voice.  
“I could say the same to you Zayn where are you?"  
"Sleeping in my room." he replied covering his eyes with a tattooed arm.  
"Well move your lazy ass and come down. There's a party going down and the dancing competition is about to start. Niall told me what happened so I’m not gonna let you sulk around and be miserable on your vacation. Get up now or I’m going to get you myself.” Harry threatened.  
"Ok" Zayn agreed, he knew Harry would get up and get him if he didn't.  
"Zayn I swear if you're...what yes ok...I’m waiting for you at the bar!"  
"Alright Haz see you in fifteen." he said lamely.  
He got up, took a refreshing shower, he wore torn up black skinny jeans and a white flimsy shirt that showed the ghosts of his tattoos. His hair now was cut short and he had his new piercing on his nose and small ones on his ears. When he finished he had a strong aura around him that shined bright. He didn’t see that though.  
He went down and found Harry first sitting at the bar chatting with Niall.   
"Hey." he said shyly as his friend gave him a fruity cocktail to drink. He took a sip and appreciated the mix. It was really good. He drank some more as he watched the people dancing on the dance floor. Looks liked the competition haven’t started yet.  
But Zayn had a glimpse of Liam and his whatever dancing lightly on some fast beat pop song.    
Zayn dawned another drink as he watched the man he still loved dancing with another who was more cheery and full of life.  
“Don’t look so gloomy man.” Harry said, “I saw Louis around he told me that this Oliver is not Liam’s boyfriend, he just said he is his companion for this trip… so I dunno what does this mean but it’s better than them being serious right.”  
“Yeah!” Zayn said not knowing what he was agreeing to, “I’m going for a walk.” And with that Zayn got up and started walking. He passed near the people on the dance floor. He saw Liam looking at him when he passed by, he felt his eyes on him even after he walked away. He stood on the beach near the coast line contemplating the mesmerising ocean gleaming under the dim light of a half moon. It was poetic...he could feel the wind ruffling his short hair...he could smell the salty water until it filled his lungs and even from this distance he could still hear the muffled chaos of the dancers competing on the dance floor.

  
"Where is Mathieu?" A voice asked behind him.  
Zayn whipped around surprised to see Liam standing there...leaving his boy behind.  
"I dunno...somewhere I guess." He shrugged.  
Liam's eyebrows quirked up in wonder.  
"You don’t seem to care?"  
"I don’t think I care about anything anymore." Zayn sighed running his hand through his currently short hair.  
"You cut your hair.” Liam remarked.  
"I Know" Zayn said lamely.  
Liam rolled his eyes, he put his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts, and he looked sheepish and apprehensive.   
"Where is your dancing partner?"   
"He is having the time of his life...dancing with someone better than me." Liam said with a smile, he saw something flash in Zayn's eyes so he wanted to make things clear for him so he elaborated:" We're not together, he is Louis' distant cousin, he has seen a rough time this year so Louis suggested he comes along and he is a really committed fan."  
Zayn turned his back on him, he was afraid he let slip more than he meant.   
"You don’t need to explain Liam. I couldn't care less."  
Liam advanced and took his arm in a tender grip urging him to spin around.  
"Look at me in the eye and tell me that...tell me you don't want me anymore... tell me you don't love me anymore."  
Zayn turned but didn’t look. He knew that it would take only one heated look and all his walls would crumble to dust. He knew that he loved Liam more than anything in the world...he loved him so much that it hurt so much and he was afraid. He still is, but Liam is here...with him, looking desperate...looking loving and sexy and everything he still dreamed of and imagined. He was his Liam. And Zayn... Zayn was Liam's. Zayn will always be Liam's.  
"I don't..."Zayn shook his head because he can't lie...not anymore.  
"I still..." he left it open because he can't explain.  
"You don’t? You still..., what does that mean?"  
Liam asked confused and a little afraid.  
"God Liam...I still" Zayn said under his breath.

He just put his hands around his neck and kissed him hard. It was awkward as hell at first; Liam was so surprised that he didn’t react at first. After his mind processed what happened he melted to the kiss. He let Zayn steer at first, he let him trace his plump lips with his wet ones. He let Zayn’s tongue slip into his mouth and rub against his sweetly and unhurriedly like all the time and the worlds has stopped, like everything around them disappeared and nothing was in the world but them the blue ocean and the white sandy beach they were standing in. He caressed Zayn's back as he kissed him back and Zayn let his control slip so Liam could explore his mouth on his own, like they used to do. So the singer took it gladly and made Zayn moan deeply from the back of his throat. Liam wanted to show him how much he turns him on. How much he still wants him and so he pulled him closer by his ass...rutting their clothed crutches together until they both groaned at the pleasurable pressure.  
"This is crazy." Liam whispered resting his forehead on Zayn's...staring at his beautiful darkened eyes.  
"I know right. I think we should take this somewhere private.” Zayn said breathlessly.  
"No...Zayn...I don't think..."Liam started, but Zayn soon interrupted him with a searing kiss that made him shut up.  
"Don't...don't think...just please." Zayn pleaded, eyes full of lust, trust and something mysterious, could it be love? Liam left this thought for the future and focused on the present.  
"Yeah...alright."

  
They didn't know how they reached Liam's room, they stumbled through the door still locked to the lips hands searching for the easiest ways to touch skin, and five years of thirst for each other have ignited a fire that would consume them. Liam cornered Zayn to the wall pinning his hands- that were searching for the buttons of his pants-above his head with one hand and continued kissing down his neck. Zayn's moans intensified that didn't go unnoticed by Liam. The singer bit on a patch of Zayn's skin (the bruise which Mathieu marked earlier that day).

  
"I hate that he had the right to mark you and I had to watch.” Liam said heatedly before kissing Zayn's lips once again, tasting his essence and plunging his tongue repeatedly in his sweetness tasting the fruit cocktail he was drinking earlier and smoke...there were always smoke.  
When they separated, they were both panting as if they ran miles away with each other and went to different dimension.  
"Liam....Leee please..." Zayn begged trying to rub their crotches together and tell Liam that they need to find some release.  
"What do you want Zee...my beautiful Zayn...God I can't believe I can touch you again...I can see you like that moaning my name...baby tell me what you want...anything I'll give you..." Liam asked as he was peppering kisses down the dark haired boy's neck.  
"Just...take me...I'm yours..."  
"Fuck...off with this."   
Liam took of Zayn's shirt and tossed it somewhere like it offended him and then he guided his lover to the end of the bed until his back knees hit the bed and he had to sit down.  
Soon Liam kneeled in front of him and opened Zayn's jeans, he looked at Zayn's eyes while rubbing his boy's shaft through his boxers.  
Zayn moaned and bucked purchasing more pressure more anything, his lips bloody from how much he was biting on it.  
"Uh...please li..." he said with pleading eyes, and who was Liam to say no to his boy.  
"Yeah babe...moan for me some more I want to hear you babe."  
Liam took Zayn out caressing his hardness.  
"God...Leee..yaam...please."  
"Shh it's okay Zee, I'll take care of you. I want you to lay down Zee just let me make you feel good. Just lay down and enjoy."  
Liam said that while pushing Zayn down the bed. He started licking fast stripes up Zayn’s hard dick. The tip of his tongue circling the tip and teasing under the weeping red head. For the moment Zayn was just moaning and hiding his face with his arms. However soon after he chanted a sweet mantra of Liam's name begging him for release.

“Liam please, I need you in me!” Zayn whined and the plea went straight to Liam’s already hard shaft.

“Okay baby… I’ll give you whatever you want.” Liam let Zayn get rid of all of his cloths and he removed his shirt. He heard Zayn gasp before he saw him make grabby hands. Liam laughed and joined him back on bed, covering him with his body. Zayn welcomingly opened his legs to wrap them around him.

Zayn explored his old lover’s body. He would be lying if he said it didn’t change. His body is more defined, more virile, and sexier.

“Zayn stop looking like me like that…I swear I’m gonna pop right now and all this would be over.” Liam said jokingly; with the way Zayn was touching him, teasing his nipples and looking at him… it was way more than he could handle.

The olive skinned boy pouted like a kicked puppy which made Liam laugh.

“Alright puppy, on your hands and knees.”

He chuckled when Zayn did and wiggled his ass like an over excited puppy. So he spanked him playfully to still him a little, so Zayn did but what surprised him was the moan that accompanied it. Liam didn’t comment. He just went with his plan. So he separated Zayn’s cheeks with his thumbs and puffed on his sensitive rim making the boy under him moan even louder. He started with a kiss to the blinking area, then teasing licks around the rim. Zayn was moaning and clutching the bed sheets for dear life, his hard dick leaking under him.

“Ah, Liam please… I need… uh yeah.”

Liam started fucking him with his tongue, until…

“Leee… gaaahh stop I’m gonna cum…”

Liam stopped, kneaded Zayn’s cheeks, and biting the flesh to mark him.

“What do you want babe?” Liam whispered.

“Fingers please Li.”

“So polite my Zayn…”

Zayn had no idea when or from where Liam had brought the lube but when Liam did put his first finger in him it was a little bit cold and lubed. And man did he miss the feeling of Liam’s digits inside him.

“Liam please hurry I can take it.”

“God, Zee look at you taking me so well,” Liam said while pressing two fingers in, “ I wanted to make you come from juts my tongue…but well we are gonna have to rain check on this one when we’re both more sated. Fuck baby, I’m gonna do three…”

Zayn nodded with a moan and Liam watched when his three digits breached his lover with a little effort and more stretching. He crooked his fingers and Zayn went crazy, arched his back and fucked his ass on Liam’s fingers like a wanton.

“Zayn…” Liam admonished and spanked him again playfully. Zayn stopped immediately and whined.

“I’m putting my condom on, stop whining babe… and turn around, wanna see you love.”

Zayn turned around quickly that the bed creaked and he bounced a little, eying Liam’s huge shaft hungrily. He pulled his legs up by the thighs inviting Liam in.

“Fuck Zee you’re gonna be the death of me.”

Liam laid down between Zayn legs and kissed him hungrily while guiding his shaft to his awaiting opening. He sucked in Zayn’s moans as he breached him inch by inch. He forgot how tight his boy was, how soft, how sweet, how submissive. He kissed Zayn’s chest, teased his nipples with his tongue and teeth to get his mind off the initial burn that he must have felt.

“Ugh, Li… I’m ssoo full, I… please move babe I’m alright!”

Liam looked at his boy’s face and pecked him gently on the lips and nose before starting his slow but deep rhythm. He encourage Zayn when he started to meet his moves but stopped him from making it faster.

“I want this to last…” he whispered in his ear, biting gently on his lobe, making him whine.

All they could feel is heated skin, they could smell their sweat mixed together with another musky smell, the smell of sweet slow sex, the sounds of hips meeting cheeks, hard gasps and moans, it all filled the air around them until Zayn couldn’t anymore.  
“God Liam, I’m gonna cum.” He cried from the intensity that was crushing him. Only then Liam tempo went faster and harder, giving Zayn the push he needed.

It all went down to this, Zayn was Liam’s, because Liam’s was Zayn’s and this what matters. Zayn screamed Liam’s name when he came at the same time that Liam shouted his when he filled his condom inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my writing... wasn't in the mood to write... T-T


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey...I'm sorry it's been a while... well here I am with another update. I hope you like it.

Zayn woke up to the warming golden sun rays filtering through the light curtains of the door-window. He felt content; an indescribable feeling, an extreme feeling of fluffiness and warmth. His head was resting on a warm and comfortable chest like it would on a pillow and he was surrounded by strong familiar arms that kept him close and plastered to said chest.

 

“Shit!” Zayn murmured breathless as he processed where he really was. He opened his eyes and saw Liam still dead to the world lying next to him. Everything that happened last night came back to him in a flash…

 _Liam…them kissing…confessing to Liam his undying love…sleeping with Liam…_.

 

He stealthily tried to untangle his limbs from Liam’s and he got out of bed. He calmly put on his boxers and T-shit and took his jeans on his way to the door. He stopped to look at Liam’s sleeping form; he did not regret what he did last night. He just felt like shit for cheating on his boyfriend and by that he did the same thing he accused Liam of doing years ago. How ironic!

 

Zayn thought that discovering Liam unfaithfulness was the worst feeling in the world, but it was nothing compared to what he felt when he was leaving his room at that moment. He was not escaping his love, but he knew Liam will understand it that way. He looked at him again, for the last time; he looked so peaceful drowsing there on the white bed, so cuddly like he was calling for Zayn to get back to bed with him, to be warm and safe… to be loved.

He closed the door quietly behind him as the door to his room opened wide down the hall. A tall beautiful woman with dark skin and shiny long auburn hair came out of the room nearly naked. She was wearing only her bra and a mini skirt that left nothing to the imagination, and she was giggling at something and waving back at someone… someone none other than Zayn’s boyfriend Mathieu. Zayn plastered his back to the hallway wall and tucked his lower lip between his teeth. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was ironic really this situation of his… an eye for an eye. The only thing that made him relieved is that he did not feel any pain, anger nor jealousy. He felt nothing at all. He guessed Harry was right. He was not in fact in love with Mathieu. It was just lust. Zayn stood there in the middle of the hallway considering his options. He could go and confront Mathieu and the other would accuse him of the same thing and they would just break up, or he could go back to where he had just been and cuddle next to the man he loves until he had to confront the problems ahead. There was no dilemma there, he turned around and reopened the door to Liam’s room.

“Zee?” Liam had one eye open and one still shut, his hair in battle, sleep traces all over his face. He looked adorable.

“Liam…”

“Were you going somewhere?” Liam asked while trying to rub the sleep away from his eyes.

“I was…I.”

“You were running away weren’t you?” Liam asked, he noticed something weird in Zayn’s features.

“Is there something wrong babe?” he asked again and beckoned Zayn to sit on his lap, the way they used to do whenever Zayn was busy reading a book, or doing his homework. Liam kissed his temple and kept his lips there.

“I was leaving…I just felt awful for cheating on Mathieu but as I was going to our room I saw him kissing another woman that obviously spent the night there!” Zayn elaborated hurriedly.

“Zayn…don’t feel bad. Mathieu deserved it, he was cheating on you.”

Zayn turned to face Liam frowning.

“What do you mean?” he asked quickly.

“Harry and Niall saw him the night you had the art gallery opening. He was with another woman flirting and kissing. I wanted to tell you I swear but Harry told me that whatever I said would make you angry and you would not really believe me.”

“He was right!” Zayn said after a moment of contemplation. “I was adamant of making this relationship work… but it sank like the titanic.” He announced regretfully.

“Well, I’m happy it did because I got my baby back.” Liam said hugging Zayn in a bone crushing hug.

“Liaaam… I love you and all but you’re crushing meee.” Zayn shouted while giggling like a little boy.

“I missed you…” Liam confessed looking deeply into the richness of Zayn’s eyes. Zayn only response was pressing his lips to Liam’s plump ones. The pop star responded automatically as if he was programmed to respond to his boyfriend’s needs.

Zayn pushed Liam back on the bed and straddled his hips.

“I want to give you a gift Li.” He said with mischief twinkling in his eyes.

Liam bit on his lower lip, and watched as Zayn lowered his head, still keeping the eye contact and started on licking erotically on his collarbones and nipples, forcing an electric current to run through his entire being.

“Fuck, Zayn…”

“Yeah I’m working on it.” The latter replied with a sexy voice, batting his eyelashes shamelessly.

He went down and kissed Liam’s navel and then went to mouth on his semi. He went hard in a record time and Zayn evilly smiled as he started mouthing the whole thing and licking it like a lollipop. It was a scene out of porn and Zayn was the star.

Liam separated his legs more to give Zayn more space to be comfortable, while Zayn kept on licking on his leaking head. The artist stroked him with his hand before going down on him, taking him all, deepthroating him like there was no tomorrow… not forgetting to tease the underside with his magical tongue. Liam’s moans filled his boy’s ears like music and the sound of Zayn sucking on the brunet’s shaft filled the room.

“Fuck Zayn… I can’t believe…you just did that! I’m already close!” Liam breathed with difficulty and shut his eyes to stay in control.

“Li…” Zayn said as he removed his mouth from Liam’s shaft. Liam looked down at him questioning.

“I want you to fuck my mouth… please!” he asked shyly.

Liam looked in wonder to his beautiful boy and wondered how he could be so erotic and still look so cute at the same time.

The brunet nodded and cupped the back of Zayn’s head with his hands, he played a little with the soft hair at the end of his nape and guided his head back to where it was, Zayn looked at him and blinked the okay, and Liam pushed his hips up a little. He was hesitant at first but as he saw Zayn’s excitement and how much this turned him on so he continued with no inhibitions. He made Zayn drool and choke on his cock and he hit the back of his throat and Zayn begged him to keep on going until he shot and made him swallow everything he got to give him. He noticed Zayn’s hand fisted around his dick, rubbing himself in synchronization with Liam’s thrusts.

It was all so hot... and Liam could not hold back his orgasm much longer, he shoved himself into Zayn’s warm awaiting mouth and let go.

“Zayn, Fuck… take it!” he shouted, as Zayn struggled to swallow his load and breathe at the same time.

As he came down from his mind blowing orgasm, Zayn was reaching his with the help of his hand.

“Daddy!” he shouted as he came, mouth wide open in a silent cry and eyes tightly shut… face drowning in bless.

Liam bring his boneless boy to his arms once he came and held him close, whispering sweet nothings to his ears and peppering his face and neck with sweet kisses.

“So…I’m daddy huh?” Liam teased, and Zayn face went scarlet and he went to hide his face in Liam’s chest but the latter did not let him.

“Oh no don’t babe…I think if I hadn’t just came it would have made me hard again.”

Zayn perked up with a shy smile on his face.

“Really… or you’re just saying that to placate me?”

“No babe… it really turns me on…you’re my baby boy and I’m your daddy… I never considered that kink before you to be honest… never thought it would turn me on.” Liam replied easily.

“Well, I kind of find out that I’m pretty much kinky…I mean I like when I give up control.”

“Oh…” Liam frowned at that, he thought of the guys Zayn must have taken to bed experimenting and exploring his kinks with them… it made him jealous even though it was really useless, but he could not help it.

“Please don’t tell me you’re upset I experimented with other guys… that was in the past Li.”

“Yeah I know… it just bothers me but I’m going to get over it eventually.” He replied, his lips stretching in a small smile. He pecked Zayn’s lips once, twice and another time.

“Let’s get into shower… we’re in need for one.”

Zayn laughed loudly and jumped to the bathroom shouting “race you there”.

Liam smiled radiantly. His life was finally complete.

 


	20. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was nice...I'm glad you enjoyed this! Let me know what you think :)

The night spread its dark sparkly cloak across the skies of the sandy beach in the Bahamas and Zayn was still in Liam’s room trying to figure out how to face Mathieu and at the same time trying to escape the fact that he should talk to him soon.

Liam was getting his turn in the shower when he was getting dressed, trying to assemble his thoughts and his line of attack and defenses if he needed any. He had a feeling Mathieu won’t just let him go that easily and if he did, Zayn would feel worse because Harry’s warning would be one hundred percent correct and Zayn just did not want that to be true. He knew Mathieu cheated but that didn’t prove that he was just using him. It was hard for him to admit that he was going to drown in a toxic relationship and Liam was his wake up call. Despite everything that had happened he felt content.

As Zayn was still lost in his thoughts, Liam got out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and droplets of water falling from his wet brown hair and rippling down his torso. Liam stood in front of him while Zayn was wearing his shoes.

 

“So… you’re going to you know… him.”

“He’s got a name Li.” Zayn sighed and gave him a little smile, he stood up and cupped Liam’s face with his hands, “You know nothing he is going to say can change the fact that I love you.”

 

Liam took Zayn by the waist and pulled him closer to him as he lowered his head to kiss him deeply. Every brush of lips and every rub of a tongue translated his love for this talented young man that got over his pride and finally admitted his love for him.

 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Liam asked after he had pulled away.

“I’m pretty sure it will do no good!” Zayn replied with a wry smile. “I need to do this alone.”

“Well if he gives you a hard time, I’m a few doors away, I can knock him out easily.” Liam said as he gently kissed Zayn on the forehead.

“Nah, don’t worry I can take care of myself.” Zayn assured him. He pecked him once more on the lips before he went out of the room.

 

Zayn entered his hotel room slowly. He did not know what to expect. He was not even sure that Mathieu would be there, but he was. He found him sitting on the bed, smoking a cigarette; one of his. When he heard Zayn coming in he looked up, a sardonic smile stretching his lips.

“Ah, finally I see my boyfriend… you know we are supposed to be on vacation together.”

“Don’t call me your boyfriend, I’m not your boyfriend… not anymore.” Zayn said arms crossed over his chest. “I saw that pretty bird going out of your room in the morning!”

“Yeah, I found you MIA, thought I’d have some fun…since you think I don’t know you went to find your ex…so don’t come in here accuse me of something you’ve done too.”

Mathieu defended, he got up and walked towards Zayn, but the latter stood his ground.

“I didn’t come here to accuse you of anything.” Zayn replied calmly, “I just came to tell you that it’s over whatever we had between us…I still love Liam and I’m going back together.”

“Yeah, I figured…well good luck with that Zayn.” Mathieu said towering over him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zayn asked.

Mathieu replied with a punishing kiss that was supposed to subdue the stubborn frown on Zayn’s face, but all it did was rile Zayn up.

“FUCK YOU MAT, GET OFF ME.” Zayn thundered pushing Mathieu away from him.

“You sure you want to tell Liam about your so many kinks Zayn? Huh, did you tell him how you want to be a little bitch for him? Did you tell him how you like to be pushed around and be called with filthy names? Did you tell him you came so hard when you’re getting shocked or you could get hard from being spanked hard on that butt?

Do you think Liam would like you when you tell him how much of a slut you are? And if you don’t tell him poor babe, how are you going to get it, because I know you need it so bad Zayn, you can last a month babe no more…would you tell him Zayn… about it all?” Mathieu questioned backing Zayn into a wall, trapping him with his strong arms. “Nobody would give it to you the way I do…and deep down you know it. Liam won’t have the balls to fuck you like I did, so good luck with that Zayn.” Mathieu said while backing away. “When you need a blowing orgasm come and find me…maybe I’ll let you beg.”

 

Zayn chuckled sardonically, “You’re crazy if you think I’ll come to you again, even if I had problems with that Mathieu, I’ll go to someone who knows what they’re doing.”

And with that Zayn left the room, the confrontation left him drained of energy, but there was something that really bothered him about what Mathieu said. How would he indeed tell Liam about his kinks? And how would Liam react? The only scraped the surface yesterday, no they didn’t even touch it. What if Liam dumps him because he wants someone who is normal with his needs? What if he thinks he is a weirdo? Zayn shook his head to banish the thoughts away. He decided he could live without his kinks, right. Liam and his touch were enough. He didn’t need anything more. And maybe with time, they could discuss what they like in details. Besides they should be celebrating their get back together and not worry about something that was so secondary to what they found at last.

He went back to Liam and hugged him tight.

“I love you Li.” He whispered.

“Love you too baby Zee, that was quick… how did it go?” Liam asked brushing his lips to Zayn’s temple.

“It was easy…I just told him we’re over and you know he saw it coming.” Zayn said in a small voice.

“Just like that? I thought he will put up a fight to be honest!” Liam wondered.

“Nah, it wasn’t real Liam… we didn’t like each other that much it was purely physical what we had, and you know it’s not like I’m the only one he’s been seeing.”

“Yeah I guess so…”

“Wanna go down and celebrate with the lads?” Zayn asked with enthusiasm, he wanted to forget about Mathieu already.

“Hell yeah, and we’re going to dance too.”

“No way Payno…I’m too cool to be dancing around.” Zayn said playfully as they walked side by side fingers linked together down the hall.

“Oh you’ll be dancing by the end of the night trust me babe.” Liam said pinching his bum.

Zayn shrieked and walked away from him. He raced him down the hall shouting “Liam last one to get to the club bottoms.” He said before taking on the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the end...I wanted to make the ending open so everyone would imagine what they want to happen next! and to be honest I think I'll be stretching it if I continued! thanks for the kudos and the comments I really appreciate it. Love.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like the first chapter...any comments?...plz talk to me I'm all listening ears :)


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